


Life Before Aesthetics

by dazzamre



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), American Idol RPF, Kris Allen (Musician)
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-20
Updated: 2011-01-20
Packaged: 2017-10-14 22:18:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 43,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/154074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dazzamre/pseuds/dazzamre
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <div class="center"><img/></div><br/><i>"Come writers and critics who prophesize with your pen. And keep your eyes wide, the chance won't come again. And don't speak too soon for the wheel's still in spin, and there's no tellin' who that it's namin'."</i> - Bob Dylan, The Times They Are A Changing<p>Adam's luck is looking up when he meets a great guy on vacation from his demanding job as a book critic until he discovers exactly who he is and the secret he's been keeping.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Dreamerren and Balloons for the beta. Title taken from ["Life Before Aesthetics"](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Damb56EDCI) by Denison Witmer. All "fake" book titles lifted from songs by the incredible [Richard Shindell](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9uVSqA9qrXk).

_"The best literary critics start from an assumption of respect for the power of imaginative writing, and of empathy for the same; which does not mean that they like all works, which they certainly do not, but that their initial response to the work is emotional and aesthetic."_ \- Ronald S. Kostar

Adam Lambert sighed in disgust and threw the book he was skimming across the room, feeling a swell of satisfaction as it hit the door and fell to the floor with a thud. He was sick of reviewing the same old shit. He had been writing, or trying to write, this book review for the last two hours, but he’d started and restarted so many times he was finding it difficult to remember what the book was even about. How was he supposed to write a meaningful review, or at least an amusingly snarky one, when this convoluted crap was all he had to work with?

Once upon a time, books had been well-written, thoughtful, and thought- _provoking_. At the very least, witty and interesting, but lately every book he’d been assigned to review had made him want to beat his head against his desk until he was unconscious.

Adam swiveled in his chair, reaching automatically for the dog-eared copy of his favorite novel that he kept on the bookshelf behind his desk. “ _[A Juggler Out in Traffic](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v58/dazzamre/juggler.jpg)_ by A.N. Kristopher,” he murmured aloud to himself. Now this was an author worthy of his time. In fifteen years, college freshman would be pouring over his work the way Adam had Garcia Marquez or Kundera’s masterpieces, savoring the subtle nuances and rich characters that brought the books to life. His long awaited follow-up was due to be released next week, and Adam felt a shiver of anticipation at the thought of finally being able to hold it in his hands. He only regretted that he was going to be on vacation and not be able to write the review himself.

As much as he wanted to write the review, what Adam really wanted, more than anything, was to interview the elusive Kristopher. He’d written a handful of profiles for the magazine and had interviewed some great authors, but if he could just talk to him for fifteen minutes, then he could die happy. The last time he’d voiced that wish to his editor, Elliott, he’d laughed and shook his head, reminding Adam that Oprah hadn’t been successful in her attempts to get an interview, and if she couldn’t do it, their fledgling magazine didn’t have a chance.

A knock echoed through his office and snapped Adam out of his daydream. The door opened before he could answer, and Elliott Yamin glanced around the room cautiously. “Everything okay in here?” He pushed the door open wider, sending the book Adam had thrown skidding across the floor. “Ah, just immersing yourself in the creative process again, huh?” he asked, picking the book up and glancing at the title before dropping it on Adam’s desk with a smirk.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Deadline. I know,” Adam muttered, rubbing his temples. “I’ll have the review to you before I leave today. But just let me say, it’s a shame trees had to die so that this garbage could be printed.”

“Is it really that bad?” Elliott asked skeptically, leaning against the corner of the desk, and earning himself a withering look from Adam. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

“I’ve read greeting cards that have more plot,” Adam quipped, leaning back in his chair and raising an eyebrow. “Did you get the other reviews I emailed you?”

“Yeah,” Elliott nodded. “Excellent as always. You know, if you weren’t so good, I wouldn’t give you books that are impossible to review. So, really, it’s your fault for being so brilliant.”

“Brilliance is overrated,” Adam grinned.

Elliott glanced at his watch. “Look, finish up the review, and then get out of here. I bet you haven’t even packed yet, have you? Really, Lambert,” he sighed, shaking his head with mock sadness when Adam shrugged noncommittally.

“I was up until one reading that fucking atrocity,” he defended, nudging the book with his finger disdainfully. “I haven’t had time to pack. Okay, I probably wouldn’t be packed if I had had time,” he admitted when Elliott glanced at him doubtfully.

“You don’t seem very excited about going on vacation,” Elliott said. “Sure you don’t want to stay and slave over some more reviews?”

“Nah, I don’t think so,” Adam said after pretending to consider the offer for a second. “I need a break. Try not to miss me too much, okay? I’ll send you a postcard.” Elliott rolled his eyes and snorted.

“Thanks. I don’t know how we’ll survive without your _brilliance_. It’ll be difficult, but I guess we’ll manage somehow.” Elliott paused for a second, looking appropriately distraught. “Okay, I‘m over it. Now get back to work,” he said crossing the room in a couple of steps and glancing over this shoulder with a smirk before pulling the door shut behind him.

Adam smiled, reminding himself how lucky he was to work at such an amazing place with such great people. _The Athenaeum_ had been started nearly ten years ago, Adam had worked there for a little over three of those, conceived by a bunch of out-of-work writers and funded by Simon Cowell, a wealthy entrepreneur, who had provided the capital and then wisely stepped back and let the editor-in-chief, Kimberly Locke, handle the day-to-day operations. They weren’t as well known as some bigger literary magazines, but they had a loyal following and, for the last few years, they’d even made a profit. The current staff was small, most of the original founders had drifted on to other things, but dedicated. They were like a family. A family of eccentric book snobs and Grammar Nazis, but a family nonetheless.

Adam turned back to his blank computer screen, feeling even more loathing for this review now that it was the only thing standing between him and his vacation. He took a deep breath and started typing, trying not to over think it. He tried to be diplomatic while still cautiously steering people away from wasting their money on the book. Reviews were a tricky thing, and there was definitely an art to writing them. Objectivity was the key - balancing the good with the bad and, regardless of how Adam felt about the current book he was working on, there was always good, even if it was hard to find.

Adam reread what he had written. It would be enough to make him steer clear of the book. He sent it to Elliott quickly before he could start dissecting it and packed his stuff up. He glanced around, making sure he had everything, before turning off the light and locking the door. Adam wasn’t surprised that he didn’t meet anyone in the hall as he walked to the elevator. With a deadline looming, most people were hidden away in their offices, scrambling to finish up. He pressed the down button and waited for the elevator. The doors slid open, and Adam stepped inside, selecting the ground floor. Just before the doors closed, Anoop Desai, their sales manager, slipped through, cell phone glued to his ear.

“I’m actually on my way to a meeting, so I don’t have that information with me right now, but I’ll check it as soon as I get back to my office and give you a call, okay? No, thank you for being so patient. I’ll be in touch,” Anoop said, rolling his eyes at Adam as the person on the other end continued to talk. “Great, I’ll talk to you then.”

He shut the phone with a snap and shoved it in his pocket. “Heading out?” he asked Adam, looking a little jealous at the thought. Adam didn’t blame him. What client in their right mind would schedule a meeting for 4:30 on a Friday afternoon?

“Yeah, Elliott sent me home before I destroyed my office,” Adam told him, wondering if he should worry that Anoop didn’t even blink at his admission, but chalked it up to Friday fatigue when he yawned. Normally, he would have reminded Adam of the fax machine incident, grinning mischievously while Adam insisted for the millionth time that it was an _accident_. Break one piece of office equipment, and you’d never live it down.

“So, where’d you decide to go?” Anoop asked. They’d discussed his vacation options at lunch earlier in the week, mainly because Anoop had been dismayed that he hadn’t actually picked a place yet. He would have had the whole trip planned a month in advance, making reservations and highlighting routes on a map.

“I thought I’d check out the place Matt recommended. I really just want to get away from everything and relax and, I don’t know, a cabin sounds sort of nice. I could use a little solitude,” Adam shrugged. “You’d be proud. I booked ahead of time.”

The elevator reached the ground, and the bell dinged as the doors opened. “Well, have a good time, man,” Anoop told him, slapping him on the shoulder. He groaned as his phone rang again. “See you later.” He answered the phone and headed into the parking deck, his voice fading as he got further away.

Adam left by the front entrance, quickly walking the three blocks to his apartment. He took the stairs up to the second floor and let himself in. His apartment was the antithesis of his office which was chaotic and cluttered. He’d only lived here for three months, but he’d gone out of his way to make it feel like home. He didn’t actually spend a lot of time there, but it was important to him that when he was there, that it feel lived in and comfortable. His favorite thing in the whole apartment was the overflowing corner bookshelf that he and his brother had had to take apart to get in the door. Neil had complained the whole time but, in the end, Adam had gotten his bookcase and that was all that mattered.

Adam dropped his bag on the couch and toed his shoes off before heading into his bedroom. He didn’t know what he had done with his suitcase and glanced around, not sure where to start. He checked the closet first before laying on the floor to feel around under the bed. His hand finally hit something, and he grinned triumphantly, pulling it out clumsily and tossing it on the bed.

He was looking forward to a nice, lazy vacation. He’d been working around the clock lately, and it would be nice to just hang out, sleep as late as he wanted, and catch up on some of his leisure reading that had been suffering for his work. Matt had gone on and on about the lake and the hiking trails, but assured him there was plenty to do around town if he got bored. His descriptions had reminded Adam why he was one of their star writers. Adam didn’t really care about all of that, he just wanted some _rest_.

Ever since he’d broken up with his boyfriend, work had become his life, and Adam thought it was time that he took a step back and rethought that. As much as he loved his job, it didn’t make his apartment any less empty at the end of the day. Hopefully, after some time alone and a little soul-searching, he could come home and be ready to dive back into the dating scene. It had been six months, and he’d only been out a handful of times. It was time to move on.

Adam sighed and climbed to his feet. He was placing too much importance on this vacation, and he was sure to be disappointed if he didn’t scale back his expectations. It was just a vacation, and it would be fun and relaxing if nothing else. He unzipped his suitcase and returned to the task at hand. What _exactly_ did one pack for two weeks of solitude?

Adam glanced around the room feeling slightly overwhelmed before looking down at his watch. It wasn’t very late, just a little after five, but if he was getting an early start in the morning, maybe he should go ahead and have dinner. The Chinese restaurant on the corner was beckoning him. He’d just get some take-out and _then_ worry about packing.


	2. Chapter 2

_"You should write because you love the shape of stories and sentences and the creation of different words on a page. Writing comes from reading, and reading is the finest teacher of how to write."_ ~ Annie Proulx

Kris Allen clicked the save button on his computer, automatically backing up his work on a flash drive, too, before closing the document and standing up to stretch. He’d been writing all morning, and his eyes were starting to burn and itch. Maybe he’d take a walk down to the lake after lunch just to remind himself that the computer wasn’t a permanent appendage.

He’d already disconnected his internet and was steadfastly ignoring his voicemail. If anything urgent came up, all the important people knew where to find him. His publisher and their PR team could handle all the promotion of his latest book. It wasn’t like people expected him to do interviews or anything, so hiding out for a few weeks during the book’s release wasn’t really a big deal.

The critics would be ruthless. He couldn’t completely block out the rumblings of anticipation, and he knew that after the success of his last book there would be a lot more pressure on this one. There had been frustration from both fans and his publisher over how long the second book had taken, but if they hadn’t threatened to void his contract, Kris would probably still be fine tuning the manuscript even now. It was hard for him to let go of his work, and even though he thought that _[On a Sea of Fleur-de-Lis](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v58/dazzamre/fleur.jpg)_ was as good, if not better than _[A Juggler Out in Traffic](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v58/dazzamre/juggler.jpg)_ , Kris always felt that it could be improved upon.

It was hard for him to compare his works. They were all so different, and he had a special place for each of them in his heart. He knew it was clichéd, and as a writer he tried to avoid that at all cost, but it really was like picking a favorite child, he just couldn’t do it. If pressed though, he would probably admit that the project he was working on now was his favorite, but that was mainly because he was immersed in it everyday, whereas he had more or less made his peace with the others and let them go.

Kris knew that his reluctance to do interviews and press vexed his publisher, more so before the sales had started coming in on his first book, but the thought of being as recognizable as Stephen King or John Grisham terrified him. He’d given a few quotes for the press release, only because Carly, his editor, had strong-armed him and demanded it, but he valued his anonymity too much to do more than that.

Kris’ stomach rumbled, and he remembered why he had stopped writing. He wasn’t much of a cook, which didn’t really matter since he didn’t really have anything _to_ cook. He needed to go to the store soon. He settled on a bowl of cereal for lunch and decided to go into town tonight to pick up some take-out and stop by the grocery store for some necessities. He sat on the couch with his lunch, flipping through the channels on the TV before settling on some mindless action movie he’d never seen.

Kris had a hard time watching movies, especially bad ones, since he constantly rewrote the plot in his head. Occupational hazard, he supposed, but it did get annoying. He only made it through fifteen minutes, and two car chases, before turning the TV off in disgust and taking his bowl to the sink. He left it there to wash later and slipped out the back door onto the deck.

It was sunny today, a welcomed change from the overcast weather of the last few days, and he stood still for a minute, eyes closed, face tilted up, soaking in the warmth. It was definitely too nice to be stuck inside working today. Kris took the steps down to the worn path that meandered down the grassy hill towards the lake. The peace and calm he felt here was unparalleled. He took it for granted most of the time, unless he’d been away on business or gone back to visit his family, but it was always great to come home.

Kris walked along the lakeshore, following the gentle curve of the land and enjoying the breeze blowing across the water. Being here really put things in perspective for him. He always felt so small standing here, but in a good way. It was easy to let your ego get away from you in this business or put too much importance on pleasing other people, but Kris tried to avoid those pitfalls as much as possible. Being here made it easier. There would always be detractors who thought he was pretentious and conceited for not giving interviews, but since he knew how completely ridiculous that was, he didn’t let it bother him too much.

He neared the cabin next door, which was actually almost a half mile away from his place, and was surprised to see activity around the usually deserted building. The owner rented it out occasionally, but most people preferred to stay in town or at one of the local campgrounds. There was a larger lake at the state park a few miles east that saw much more tourist activity. Most of the land surrounding Lake Sinclair was private property, mostly summer homes with only a handful of permanent residents like Kris, so aside from locals, it was generally pretty quiet.

The door opened, and Kris grinned. “Ace, hey! What’s up?” he asked, stopping at the bottom of the steps and waiting for Ace to join him on the ground. Ace worked at the state park and on the side was sort of the un-official caretaker of a few of the cabins. The owners all knew and trusted him, and they appreciated having someone that could check on things for them when they weren’t around.

“Hey, man. I didn’t know you were back yet,” Ace said, clasping his hand and giving him a quick one-armed hug. “Have a good trip?”

“Eh, business. It was all right,” Kris shrugged. He didn’t like talking about his work, even with his friends, but Ace was cool and hadn’t seemed to care at all when Kris had told him the truth. It had been a very humbling experience and made him appreciate Ace that much more. The fact that he’d actually gone out and bought a copy of the book, even though he’d never heard of it, had only made Kris shake his head in wonder. “So what are you doing out here? Just checking on things or did someone rent the place?” he asked curiously.

“Looks like you’re going to have a new neighbor for a couple of weeks. He should be here tomorrow morning. He sounded nice on the phone when he called to make arrangements to pick up the key,” Ace told him.

One of the renters on the other side of the lake had caused some problems last summer, and everyone was acutely aware of wanting to avoid a repeat. Kris had, thankfully, been out of town at the time, but people were still talking about it when he got back. He’d heard so many different versions of the story that he still wasn’t sure exactly what had happened. Most of the time, though, the people who rented the cabins were okay, and Kris tended to keep to himself anyway.

“I just came out to make sure everything was okay and working right,” Ace said. “I’m on my lunch break. I should probably get going.”

“Oh, yeah, sure. See you later,” Kris told him. Ace jogged around the side of the house to where his car was parked, stopping and turning back to look at Kris.

“You’re back in town, we ought to do something. Are you busy tonight?” Kris shook his head, grateful that Ace had at least asked instead of just assuming he had no life, although he would have been right. “Great. Want to meet at Randy’s around seven?”

“Sounds good,” Kris answered. Randy’s was their favorite restaurant, a small hole-in-the-wall that all the locals swore by. He hadn’t been there in awhile since he’d been out of town, and his mouth was watering just thinking about it. “I’ll see you there.”

“Later,” Ace called before disappearing around the corner of the house. Kris smiled as he watched him leave. Ace knew his new book was coming out and that he could use the distraction. He’d probably be seeing a lot of him in the next few days. Just because he refused to read reviews and wouldn’t look at the sales figures for a couple of weeks, didn’t mean that he didn’t care about all of that, only that waiting for it to all trickle in would drive him insane. Hiding out until the initial hype faded was the way he coped.

Kris debated continuing around the lake, but decided to turn around and head back to his house. He was feeling energized from his walk and hoped he could get in a couple of more hours of writing before going into town. Kris knew lots of authors had regimented schedules of when they wrote, but that had never worked for him. He tried to write every day, but he couldn’t sit down and force himself to write if he wasn’t inspired. He didn’t like to skip days, after all writing was his _job_ , but if he did, he didn’t beat himself up over it. Sometimes it was better to take a break and come back to the story with fresh eyes.

Kris especially liked to step back when he reached a particularly difficult section or, conversely when, allowing himself a brief moment of egotism, he thought what he was writing was brilliant. As a general rule, nothing was ever as bad, or as good, as he thought it was at the time. Distance provided some objectivity, but it had taken him awhile to learn that you couldn’t get too attached to ideas or phrases or even characters. He’d finished a quarter of his last book before deciding that one of the supporting characters just didn’t work, and he’d had to rewrite the whole thing.

Kris felt a sudden surge of excitement, mixed with a little anxiety if he was being honest. In just a few days, his book would be in millions of hands, _hopefully_ , around the world. He’d poured everything he had into that book for over a year, lived it, breathed it, _dreamed_ about it, and letting it go had been hard. The thought of so many people reading his words, relating to the characters, taking something away from it that they could hold onto, gave him a rush that was unlike anything he’d ever known. There were books spread across his life that had touched and influenced him in ways that he still couldn’t properly articulate, he’d read _A Separate Peace_ so many times in high school that he’d nearly memorized Knowles’ words, and the thought of even one person being that affected by his work left him with an indescribable feeling.

The walk back to his house had seemed to take no time, and Kris climbed the stairs with a new bounce in his step. He briefly considered checking his messages before deciding against it. He’d call his brother tomorrow to check in and let his family know that he was still alive. Everything else could wait. Now he needed to get back to work. He had a few hours before he had to leave to meet Ace, and he really wanted to finish the chapter he was working on. Kris sat down at the computer, clicking the mouse a few times and sighing happily as music spilled from the speakers. He rolled his neck, dropping his chin to his chest and then tilting his head back to stare at the ceiling, stretching his arms out in front of him and flexing his fingers before finally opening his document. Kris took a deep breathe and slowly let it out, focusing all of his attention on the screen in front of him. Back to work.


	3. Chapter 3

_"Books are the carriers of civilization…They are companions, teachers, magicians, bankers of the treasures of the mind. Books are humanity in print."_ \- Barbara W. Tuchman

Adam smiled as he drove through the quiet, sleepy streets, completely charmed by the quaint town already, even though he hadn’t even been out of his car yet. It might grow a little old by the end of two weeks, but right now he was pretty much taken with it. Living in a bustling metropolis, surrounded by concrete and skyscrapers could be tiresome and, even though he couldn’t really imagine living anywhere else, a break from all of that was nice.

The buildings along Main Street looked as though they dated back to the 1920s, possibly earlier, with intricate stone cornices and beautiful bas relief designs on some of the more prominent structures, while the brick row buildings that lined the town square reminded him of something from a Currier and Ives print.

The drive hadn’t taken nearly as long as Adam had thought it would, and now he was here almost an hour before he was scheduled to meet the guy with the key at the cabin. Adam supposed he could always call him and see if he could meet him earlier, but the town intrigued him and looking around might be a good way to kill some time. The bookstore on the corner, the sign over the door read Cover to Cover, made his decision for him, and he pulled into the first parking spot he found. Adam pushed his sunglasses up on top of his head and climbed out of the car, locking the door and shoving the keys in his pocket.

Adam was a sucker for small, independent bookstores, avoiding big chain stores whenever he could, and used bookstores in particular were a weakness. He could spend hours browsing the narrow, dimly lit aisles scouring the shelves for finds. He’d stumbled across a signed copy of Patricia Nell Warren’s _The Front Runner_ once that had made him gasp out loud, then immediately feel guilty for only paying $2.50 for it. Elliott had tried to persuade him that buying books online was the only way to go and, sure, the selection was better, but it just wasn’t the same to Adam.

A bell chimed overhead as he pushed the door open and stepped into the store. There were two women standing by the register, and they both looked up as he entered. The younger blond cast a quick look at the older woman, who gave her a subtle nod. Obviously a new employee, Adam thought. The blond smiled cheerfully at him. “Hi, welcome to Cover to Cover. My name is Brooke. Is there anything I can help you with today?”

“Thanks, I’m just looking,” Adam told her, then paused a second. “Actually,” he said, “I do have a question. Will you have A.N. Kristopher’s new book on Tuesday? I’m going to be in town for a couple of weeks, and I don’t really know my way around or where the best place to get it would be.”

“Paula?” Brooke asked, deferring to the other woman and looking at her questioningly.

“Absolutely, we’ll have it,” Paula assured him. “I just received a confirmation from my distributor, and we should get the shipment Monday, so unless something comes up, it’ll be available Tuesday morning.”

“Thanks,” Adam grinned. He bypassed the front section of the store filled with new books and frilly displays, drawn to a room at the back with a big sign that read USED SECTION over the open doorway. The room was filled with floor to ceiling bookshelves, but somehow managed to be cozy without being claustrophobic. Adam took a deep breath, savoring the distinctly unique smell of used books.

He browsed up the first aisle, running his finger along the line of books, skimming the titles, smiling fondly as he ran across a few that he had read. He rounded the corner to the next aisle, colliding with another man coming from the other direction. The man was carrying an armful of books, and they slipped, crashing silently onto the thickly carpeted floor. “I’m so sorry,” Adam said, kneeling down to help him pick them up.

“I should have watched where I was going,” the other man shrugged, shaking off his apology, catching Adam’s eye with a smile. He stood up, carefully balancing his stack of books, and Adam followed him, handing back the ones he had picked up. He recognized a few of them, impressed immediately with the guy’s taste in authors.

“Nice selections,” he commented, grinning at him. Adam would have had to be blind not to notice how cute he was. Short brown hair, slightly mused, with a hint of stubble along his jaw line and a killer smile that reached his warm, brown eyes. The only thing that bothered Adam was the intent way he was staring at him right now.

“Um, thanks,” the guy said, looking away, slightly embarrassed before glancing back up at Adam. “Do I know you?” he asked at last. “Because I don’t think I do, but you look so familiar.”

“I don’t think so,” Adam told him, but he could remedy that. “Adam Lambert,” he said, offering his hand. The other man juggled the books he was holding and shook it. His palm was soft and warm against Adam’s, sending a pleasant shiver up his spine as he smiled at him.

“Kris Allen,” he answered, and Adam squashed the regret he felt as Kris finally pulled his hand away. “You must think I’m completely…wait a minute…Adam _Lambert_?” he asked, recognition dawning on his face. “From _The Athenaeum_?”

Adam’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. They had a small, loyal following, but weren’t widely known outside of the industry. To say he was surprised to run into someone in the middle of nowhere who was familiar with the magazine, let alone him, was an understatement. “Yeah. You know it?”

“Of course, I do. It’s a fantastic magazine,” Kris told him. “Your reviews are top-notch. I’ve read books just because you’ve recommended them,” he admitted with a laugh, the rich sound filling Adam’s ears and making him smile. “Oh, and that interview you did with Andrew Holleran last year was brilliant.”

Adam knew he must have the goofiest grin on his face, but he couldn’t seem to wipe it off. He got emails from readers all the time, mostly positive, but being recognized by a stranger on the street was not something he was used to. He’d been extremely proud of that interview and the feedback on it had been amazing. He tried not to read too much into the fact that, of all his interviews, Kris had chosen to comment on the one with openly gay Holleran. “Thanks. Usually book critics are right up there with lawyers and IRS agents. It’s nice to know that not everyone hates you.”

“Definitely not,” Kris grinned. “So…what brings you here? You’re a little off the beaten path.” His countenance hadn’t changed, but there was a nervous edge to his words now that Adam couldn’t explain.

“Vacation. I got here a little early, but I’m supposed to meet…” Adam trailed off as he fished in his pocket for the slip of paper with the information on it. “Um, Ace Young at Windsong Circle.” Adam looked up at him and frowned thoughtfully. “I have no idea where that is.”

“It looks like we’re going to be neighbors,” Kris said, his eyes sparkling with mirth, seeming more relaxed again. “I’m headed back now. You can follow me if you’d like. It can be difficult to find if you don’t know where you’re going,” Kris told him, his words coming out in a rush. He worried his bottom lip between his teeth and waited expectantly for Adam to say something.

“That would be great if you really don’t mind. I don’t want to inconvenience you,” Adam said softly, a smile tugging at his lips as Kris shook his head. The next two weeks could definitely be interesting with Kris close by. Matt had told him there was plenty to do if he got bored, and although this probably wasn’t what he’d had in mind, maybe Matt wasn’t that far off the mark after all. “Great.”

“Okay, just let me go pay for these, and…I’m sorry. Were you finished shopping?” Kris asked suddenly. “I don’t have to leave right now if you…”

“No, that’s okay,” Adam interrupted reassuringly. “I’m pretty sure I’ll be stopping by again.” Kris didn’t look convinced, but he nodded anyway and made his way to the front of the store. Adam trailed after him, looking through a display of bookmarks by the door as he waited patiently for Kris to finish up. From the corner of his eye, he watched Kris talking and laughing with Paula and Brooke, both of whom were sending curious glances in his direction now.

“Ready?” Kris asked, his keys dangling from one hand and the bag of books from the other. He nodded, and Kris pushed the door open and stepped out on the sidewalk, holding it open as Adam followed him out. He made sure the door closed, then pointed to a car a few spots down from Adam’s. “That’s me, so…I’ll see you there.”

Adam climbed into his car, waiting for Kris to pull out. Kris finally eased onto the street, passing him slowly and making sure Adam was behind him before speeding up. Adam tried to pay attention to directions and recognizable landmarks, but he had a feeling he’d be asking for lots of directions while he was here. After turning at a couple of red lights, they were on a narrow two lane road leading away from town.

The traffic thinned as they got further from town until they were the only two cars on the road. Without having to focus so much on following Kris, Adam took in some of the scenery. The highway was scattered with tall pine trees and the first thing that struck Adam was how _green_ everything was. When they hadn’t passed a house or any other sign of life in nearly five miles, Adam began to wonder just how far the cabin was. It looked like solitude was exactly what he was going to get.

The road turned and twisted as it ran up and down hills, and finally, Kris slowed ahead of him, his brakes lighting up and his left turn signal blinking steadily. Adam followed as he turned onto a gravel road that seemed to loop around, connecting a string of dirt driveways that all disappeared into the woods. Adam assumed there must be houses at the end of them even though he couldn‘t see them from here. At last, Kris started down one of the winding paths, going slow over the bumpy terrain. The trees gave way to blue skies, and Adam gasped audibly as he got his first glimpse of the [cabin](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v58/dazzamre/Lake20Cabin20Rental.jpg).

The pictures he’d looked at online had not done this place justice. He hadn’t been expecting a hovel, not at the price he was paying, but this exceeded his expectations. He could already see the lake in the background as they pulled up to the house. Adam parked and climbed out of the car, a little awestruck.

“Nice, huh?” Kris grinned, glancing at him over the top of his car. “Come on,” he said nodding toward the lake and starting across the grassy lawn. Adam followed after him, thinking how easily Kris seemed to fit in here. Adam thought it was beautiful, but he was definitely out of his element, whereas Kris just…belonged. He came to a stop next to Kris at the edge of the water, the sun sparkling on the surface like diamonds.

“This is incredible,” Adam told him, glancing at him and grinning. Kris grinned back, nodding his agreement. His gaze shifted back out over the water, but Adam couldn’t tear his eyes away from Kris’ profile. Even though they’d just met, Adam felt a connection with him that he couldn’t explain. He forced himself to look away before he said something stupid.

Kris turned back toward the house, the faint sound of tires on gravel drifting through the distance. “That’ll be Ace,” Kris told him. “If you need anything or have any questions or whatever, you can just follow the lake,” he said pointing to his right, “I’m the first house you come to.”

“Okay. Thanks. And thanks again for helping me get here,” Adam said. “I never would have found it without you.”

“No problem,” Kris shrugged. Ace’s car appeared through the trees, and they slowly began walking back to the house to meet him. He parked beside Adam’s car and climbed out, glancing curiously at Kris. “Hey, man,” Kris called.

“Hey,” Ace answered. “You must be Adam. I‘m sorry I‘m late.”

“We just got here,” Kris told him before turning to Adam. “I’ll let Ace get you settled. It was nice meeting you. I’m sure I’ll see you around.” His words held a promise that Adam was going to hold him to.

“Yeah, see ya,” Adam smiled. His eyes followed Kris as he walked back to his car and climbed in. His wrist flicked up on the top of the steering wheel to wave bye, and then he was backing out and driving away. He had disappeared down the drive, leaving a cloud of dust in his wake, before Adam realized Ace was talking to him. He nodded as though he had been listening and let Ace lead him up the stairs to the cabin, but he couldn’t resist one last glance over his shoulder. The next two weeks were going to be interesting.


	4. Chapter 4

_"I have to get into a sort of zone. It has something to do with an inability to concentrate, which is the absolute bottom line of writing."_ \- Stephen Fry

 

Kris rubbed at his eyes and yawned, folding his arms on top of his desk and resting his forehead against them. He had tossed and turned restlessly for awhile in bed before admitting that the few hours of sleep he’d gotten were probably all he was going to get. When he’d climbed out of bed over two hours ago, he’d had every intention of writing, but the screen in front of him was still starkly blank. He had sat there in the early hours of the morning staring at the computer without really seeing it as his mind wandered to the cabin down the road.

Kris couldn’t deny the obvious attraction he’d felt to Adam. Even before he realized who he was, there was just something about him that had drawn Kris in. Once he did know who Adam was it hadn’t really changed the way he felt. It should have. It should have terrified him, but after his initial moment of panic, Kris had shrugged it off. Adam being in town didn’t have anything to do with him. He felt ridiculous, paranoid even, for thinking it. As if he were that important.

He couldn’t ignore the obvious problem, though. Adam had the potential, purposefully or inadvertently, it wouldn’t matter, to destroy everything he’d worked so hard to protect. The smart thing would be to stay as far away from Adam as he could. Kris sighed as he stood up from his desk. There was no point in him pretending he was going to try to stay away when there wasn’t the remotest possibility that he was actually going to do that.

Adam was only going to be here for two weeks, and there was absolutely no reason why Kris couldn’t spend time with him and still keep his identity hidden. He did it every day, this was no different. He’d have to be careful, but he was experienced at skillfully ignoring questions and deflecting attention away from himself.

The truth was the fact that Adam was, well, _Adam_ , only made Kris like him more. He respected him professionally and had admired his work for a long time. There were very few critics that Kris thought got it right every time, it was a subjective art at best, but Adam’s reviews were always fair and insightful. He wrote with a wit and deftness that made even the harshest review palatable.

Maybe it was because he’d read his words so many times, or the knowledge that they worked in the same industry, even if Adam didn’t know it, but Kris had felt an instant connection in the bookstore. He wanted to get to know Adam. He knew the Adam that came through on the page, but he wanted to know the man behind the pithy remarks and the rare, but always warranted, adulation.

Kris padded across the living room, the smooth, wood floor cold against his bare feet, to the bookshelves along the far wall. He squinted, searching the bottom row until he found what he was looking for, then stooping down to grab a stack of back issues of _The Athenaeum_. He carried the magazines with him to the sofa, spreading them out on the coffee table and picking one at random.

He thumbed through it until he found the page he was looking for. The tiny picture of Adam in the upper left hand corner of the page couldn’t begin to compare to the real thing. His smile in the picture seemed forced, but Kris knew his easy grin firsthand. Having it aimed at you was possibly one of the most captivating sights in the whole world.

Kris stretched out on the couch, resting his head against the arm as he skimmed a few of the reviews. He tried to picture Adam in some cramped office, hunched over a computer typing the words he was reading, but he couldn’t. The image of Adam that would forever be engraved on his brain was him standing by the lake, the sun glinting off of his dark hair, his lips curved into a peaceful smile. He wondered if people did that when they read his books and grinned at the thought. When he really got involved in what he was writing, it wasn’t a pretty sight. He wasn’t a slob, but everything took a backseat to his work, especially when he was inspired. He doubted anyone would accurately picture the half-eaten containers of food littering the counter, when he remembered to eat, or the three-days growth of beard on his face because he couldn’t be bothered to shave.

He looked through a couple more copies of the magazine. It really was exceptional, and not just Adam’s part. The entire staff was extremely talented. Carly had had a copy in her office once when he had gone in for a meeting. He’d flipped through it waiting for her to finish a phone call, making a casual remark about how much he liked it when she hung up. The next month it had arrived in his mailbox and had ever since. She probably thought any exposure to the press was good for him and might weaken his defenses.

Kris sighed and added the one in his hand to the stack beside the couch that he’d already been through. He climbed off the couch and went into the kitchen, forgoing his usual decaf and starting a pot of regular coffee. It was going to be a long day, and he needed a little jump start. He breathed in deeply as the rich aroma began to fill the air. There were still dishes in the sink from yesterday, and he washed them quickly as the coffee dripped. Kris wandered back into the living room, collecting the magazines scattered around the sofa and stashing them back on the bookshelf. He picked up a couple of drink cans he’d left by the computer last night and took them with him into the kitchen, tossing them in the recycling bin by the refrigerator.

Feeling productive for tidying up a little, he reached into the cabinet over the microwave and pulled out a coffee mug. He poured the dark liquid into his cup and checked the expiration date on the milk before adding a splash. Carrying the mug with him, he slid the door open onto the patio and stepped outside, tugging the door shut behind him. Kris leaned against the rail, looking out at the mist rising off the lake. The sun was just starting to peek through the tops of the trees, casting a faint orange tint over everything.

This was his favorite time of day. Nothing had happened yet, most people were still asleep, the day still lay ahead, full of potential. A clean slate, almost, or maybe more like a blank page. Kris knew that lots of writers dreaded a blank page more than anything. It was daunting, terrifying, and it didn’t matter if you had filled one or a million before, there was never any guarantee that the words would come _this_ time. But Kris saw it as a challenge, a sea of endless possibilities. That page could become _anything_ , and Kris had to marvel at that.

Kris took a sip from the steaming mug, staring out at the water, trying to come up with an excuse to see Adam today. He didn’t want to come across like a stalker or anything, but Adam genuinely intrigued him. There weren’t many people he could say that about. Generally, Kris preferred being alone with his thoughts and words to the company of people, which didn’t mean that he was a hermit, exactly. He didn’t stay locked in his house working all the time. His close friends and family just knew that if they were at dinner or a movie or whatever, and he suddenly became quiet and withdrawn, it wasn’t anything personal. As a writer, he couldn’t dictate when ideas came to him, and he had to run through them in his head or scribble them down before he lost them.

Kris caught a movement from the corner of his eye and brought his gaze back to the shore. Maybe he wouldn’t need an excuse to see Adam after all. Adam walked slowly next to the water, his hands shoved in his pockets, the light breeze off the lake ruffling his hair. Kris watched him for a minute, knowing that if Adam turned his head he’d catch him staring, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away from Adam’s graceful movements and unhurried demeanor. “Good morning!” he called at last.

Adam turned toward the sound, startled, but smiled when he spotted Kris. “Morning,” he answered, walking away from the lake now and up the slight incline to stand at the foot of the steps, glancing up at him.

“You’re up early,” Kris commented, grinning when Adam pointed out that he was, too. He shrugged and held his coffee mug up. “I just made a fresh pot. You want a cup?”

“Sure,” Adam told him, climbing the stairs when Kris waved him up. Adam followed him in and closed the door after them. Kris strode across the room, glancing over his shoulder and urging Adam in when he hesitated by the door. He sat his mug down on the coffee table in front of the couch. “Make yourself at home,” he smiled, his arm sweeping the expanse of the living room. “I’ll go get the coffee. Sugar? Milk?”

“Just sugar, thanks,” Adam said glancing around the room as he surveyed his surroundings.

“Right,” Kris nodded, slipping into the kitchen, the door swinging behind him. He grabbed a second mug from the cabinet, filled it with coffee and then hesitated before dropping the amount of sugar he usually used into the liquid. He stirred it a couple of times with a spoon, then tossed the utensil into the sink.

He found Adam standing in front of the bookshelves, scanning the titles thoughtfully. It made Kris grin. The first thing he looked at anytime he visited someone’s home for the first time was their book collection. You could tell a lot about a person by the books they read, and he had to wonder what Adam was gleaning about him from his. His reading taste was eclectic. There were all the usual suspects that looked as though they came straight from a summer reading list – Faulkner, Steinbeck, Fitzgerald, but there were also tons of little known writers that he’d stumbled across on his own or friends had suggested. Carly recommended a book almost every time he talked to her. He’d been reading a lot of non-fiction lately, and he watched as Adam’s finger trailed over books from Dava Sobel and Angela Bourke.

Kris cleared his throat, and Adam glanced over his shoulder at him. “Here you go,” he said, moving to stand next to him and holding out the mug. “So, do you approve of all of these as much as the ones from the bookstore?”

“Thanks,” Adam told him, taking a sip before answering his question. “It’s quite a collection,” he said at last, grinning. “Have you read all of them?”

“Most,” Kris laughed. “Sometimes you just can’t get through a book, though, but I’m sure you of all people know that.” Kris looked at the sofa, then back at Adam, nodding his head in invitation. They settled on the couch, and Kris reached forward to pick up his coffee.

“This is a nice place you’ve got,” Adam said. As far a Kris was concerned, it was perfect. The high ceilings that lent an airy feel to the rooms, the large bay windows that let sunlight stream through on days like this, the hardwood floors that he’d paid a king’s ransom to restore. The building was beautiful, but more than that, it was home. It was his sanctuary.

“I like it,” he smiled, then chuckled. “The first time my mother visited she stood in the door and looked around, and I thought she was too overwhelmed to say anything. I was so happy with the way everything had turned out, and I just waited for her to start gushing about it. Finally she turned to me and said, ‘It’s a little big for just you, isn’t it?’”

Adam laughed at his impersonation and smiled. “So it’s just you, then?”

“Yeah,” Kris shrugged nonchalantly, sipping from his mug, glancing at Adam over the top of it. “It’s a small town, not a lot of dating opportunities, you know. Doesn’t mean I’m not looking for the right person, I just haven’t found him yet.”

Kris had to give him credit, Adam barely even acknowledged his subtle pronoun drop. A slight quirk of his mouth was the only indication that he’d even heard him. “Yeah,” Adam said at last, nodding. “Living in a big city doesn’t really help. Everyone’s so busy, so wrapped up in themselves. It’s not easy to meet guys there, either.”

Their eyes locked for a split second, and Kris had to bite back a smile as he looked down into his coffee, his reflection gazing back up at him with twinkling eyes. “So,” he asked suddenly, leaning over and putting the cup back on the table. “What are you doing today?”

Adam blinked, thrown momentarily by the sudden shift in topic. “I don’t know…I didn’t really have a plan,” he said. “I just thought I’d hang out at the cabin, I guess. Read. Watch TV.”

Kris shook his head. “Nope, you’ve got two weeks to do that. Today you get the grand tour. It’s a small town, but there’s tons of interesting stuff. You just need someone who knows where it’s at. Otherwise you only see the tourist traps, and trust me, you don’t want that. So what do you say? Are you game?” He raised his eyebrows expectantly and waited for Adam’s answer.

Adam laughed and nodded. “Why not?” he shrugged. “I’m game.”


	5. Chapter 5

_“You may be able to take a break from writing, but you won't be able to take a break from being a writer.”_ \- Stephen Leigh

“Here you go,” Kris said, reaching into the white paper sack he was holding. “The best blueberry muffins in the county, possibly the state,” he grinned handing one to Adam and pulling the other out for himself before crumpling up the bag and throwing it into the trash can by the building.

“Thanks,” Adam told him as they started to walk down the block. The bakery had been their first stop once they’d driven into town since Kris had insisted that coffee alone did not qualify as breakfast. He’d raved about the muffins the whole time they’d been in the car and, as Adam took a bite, he had to agree with him. They were fantastic. He glanced over at Kris, who was chewing with a look of absolute bliss on his face, and grinned.

“Good, huh?” Kris asked, wiping some crumbs away from his mouth with his thumb. Adam watched the simple action, watched as Kris’ tongue darted out to wet his lips, and wondered if Kris had any idea what he was doing to him. From the way the corner of his mouth twitched, he suspected that, not only did Kris know what he was doing, he was enjoying it.

Adam was hardly ever at a loss for words. They were his life, and he knew how to shape them, manipulate them, and place them for maximum effect. But there were times, like now, when Kris looked at him, his eyes shining, his nose wrinkled with amusement, and he forgot all of that. He couldn’t think of anything except wanting to hear the sound of his laugh again, wanting to taste his lips.

There was something about Kris, something Adam had noticed right away, that made him feel as if he’d known him forever. They had just clicked and fallen into this easy friendship with little effort on either of their parts. It was more than just the things they had in common. There was a current of understanding that ran between them, making Adam feel as though he could tell Kris anything, and he would just _get_ it.

They passed the bookstore, and Adam gave Kris his undivided attention as he started pointing out other little shops that looked interesting. There were antique stores, a couple of art galleries that Kris said weren’t really his thing, and a handful of restaurants that Adam was sure he’d visit before he left. A building up ahead caught his eye, and he looked at Kris curiously. “What’s that?” he pointed.

“The Capri,” Kris said appreciatively. “It’s an old theater that was closed for ages, as long as I can remember, then a few years ago, this couple bought and restored it. It’s amazing, like stepping back in time. They mainly show classic movies, indie and foreign films that the multiplex on the edge of town won’t show. That sort of thing. You want to check it out?” Kris seemed so excited at the prospect that Adam wouldn’t have told him no even if he’d wanted to.

“Yeah, sure,” Adam nodded. Kris grinned and crossed the street, waving at a car that had stopped to let them pass. Adam wouldn’t call himself a film buff or anything like that, but he’d watched his fair share of TCM. There was something simplistic about those films. It was the same sort of thing he looked for in a book. A story didn’t have to be complicated to have an impact. Sometimes less was more. At the heart of any work of fiction, whether on the screen or the page, the characters had to be the most important aspect, and he couldn’t help but think that that got lost a lot of the time.

The sign over the building advertised a silent film festival on one side and a Bette Davis tribute on the other. Kris pulled the door open, letting Adam go in first. The lobby had been meticulously restored, everything in rich shades of red and gold. Kris was right, he felt as though he’d stepped back into the 1930s. The lighting was soft and warm, not bright and garish like most modern theaters, and it took his eyes a minute to adjust from stepping in from outside.

“Hey, Megan,” Kris said, nodding to the woman behind the counter.

“Well, hi, stranger. I haven‘t seen you in awhile,” she grinned, resting both hands against the smooth glass surface and shooting a curious glance in Adam’s direction. Adam liked her immediately. She seemed fun and quirky, a lot like the people he hung out with at home. “Who’s your friend?” she asked, raising her eyebrows slightly at Kris.

“Um, Megan, Adam,” Kris introduced, a slight blush coloring his cheeks as she smiled knowingly at him. Adam ducked his head and tried not to laugh. “Adam’s going to be in town a couple of weeks. Is it okay if I show him around?” Kris asked, grabbing a flier from the counter that had the movie schedule printed on it.

“Go ahead,” Megan told them. Kris thanked her, and Adam flashed her a smile before following him across the lobby to the entrance leading into the actual theater. The double doors swung quietly behind them as Adam looked around. There was a thick red curtain in front of the screen, with matching upholstery on the seats. He turned his gaze upward, amazed at the detail that had obviously gone into restoring the place. The lighting all seemed to be the original fixtures judging from the art deco designs, and Adam didn’t think he’d ever seen anything quite like it.

Kris was watching him, he could see him from the corner of his eye, grinning as Adam looked around in awe, absorbing the history and nostalgia in the room. Kris nudged him with his shoulder and led the way towards the screen. He pushed one of the seats down in the front row and waited for Adam to join him. “You come here a lot?” Adam asked, his hand brushing against Kris’ on the armrest they shared.

“Sometimes. It depends on what they’re showing,” he answered with a grin, holding out the schedule so they could both look at it. Adam glanced at it before his eyes found Kris again, studying him in the dimly lit room. He watched the way Kris’ eyes ran over the words, biting his bottom lip in concentration as he scrutinized the page. “There’s some interesting stuff,” Kris said at last. Adam hadn’t really been paying attention to the flier. He’d been too busy watching Kris, memorizing his features, but he nodded anyway. “We should check it out.”

Adam looked at him quietly for a minute, a smile tugging at his lips. “Are you asking me out?” he finally asked, crossing his arms and waiting for Kris to answer him. Saying the words out loud gave him a pleasant, fluttery feeling in his chest.

“I…well…” Kris stuttered, glancing down at the floor before fixing Adam with an amused smile. Adam raised his eyebrows expectantly when he didn‘t say anything. “Yeah, I guess I am.”

“Okay,” Adam nodded. Kris seemed like a cool guy, and Adam looked forward to spending more time with him. It wasn’t like it was going to turn into anything serious. He was only going to be here two weeks, but it could be a _fun_ two weeks.

“Okay?”

“Okay,” Adam repeated, leaning in slightly toward Kris until their shoulders bumped. He was so close now he could smell Kris’ shampoo or cologne or _whatever_ it was and, God, he smelled good. Kris’ eyes met his, and Adam had to blink for a second, trying to remember what he had been saying. Kris’ lips were so close, only a few inches away, slightly parted and inviting, and Adam resisted the urge to lean forward and close the distance. “It’s a date.”

~*~*~*~

“So, what exactly do you do when you’re not acting as an official tour guide?” Adam asked Kris as they started back to the car. They’d had lunch at an outdoor café that Kris had recommended, and then spent most of the afternoon browsing through a street market around the old depot. There had been a vendor with used books that they’d both left some money with, and Adam had picked up a stack of postcards so he could rub in how great his vacation was to his friends back home.

Finally, they’d stopped by the grocery store when Adam had complained that of everything he’d packed, food hadn’t even crossed his mind. Kris had insisted that they pick up a few essentials, at least, and now they were both loaded down with bags, toting them to Kris’ car.

Adam glanced over at Kris. He’d been chattering all day, but he’d suddenly gone really quiet. Actually that wasn‘t true. Whenever the subject had come up during the day, Kris had skillfully diverted the conversation to bring it back to Adam. “Well?” Adam asked. “What? Are you a hit man for the mafia? Sell organs on the black market? What do you do?” Adam teased.

“Nothing like that,” Kris assured him, laughing and shaking his head. “I’m sort of a silent partner in Paula’s bookstore. I don’t have anything to do with it, she runs it on her own. I just…invested, I guess. And I teach a creative writing class in the spring at the community college, do some freelance stuff,” he shrugged.

“So you’re a writer?” Adam asked, finding it odd, not that he _was_ because that made sense to him, but that he’d had to drag it out of Kris. When most people found out he was a book critic, they couldn’t wait to tell him their idea for the Great American Novel. It was nice that Kris hadn‘t done that. Kris shrugged and nodded reluctantly. “Anything I would have read?”

“Nah, probably not,” Kris said softly. The conversation was clearly making him uneasy, so even though he had more questions, Adam let it go. If Kris wanted to talk about it he would, but Adam didn’t want to press. The day had been really nice so far, and there was no sense in ruining it now. They finally reached the car, and Kris popped the trunk to let them deposit their bags. When they had, he slammed it and unlocked the doors, climbing in behind the wheel and waiting for Adam to fasten his seatbelt before backing out of the parking place.

The sun was starting to go down, and it was nearly dark by the time they reached Adam’s cabin. The ride back had been quiet, but not uncomfortable. Adam had closed his eyes as Kris drove, listening to the radio and smiling when Kris started singing along to a song he didn’t recognize. Kris parked beside Adam’s car and climbed out to help him carry in all his stuff. Adam fumbled with his keys, trying to find the one for the house in the weak light from the trunk. When he had, Kris followed him up the steps, waiting patiently for him to open the door.

Adam flipped the light switch on, nearly dropping his bags in the process, catching them as they slipped, frowning playfully at Kris when he laughed. Adam led the way to the kitchen, and they put their bags down on the counter. “Can I get you anything?” Adam asked, motioning to the groceries. “You know what I’ve got.”

“I’m good. I should probably go,” Kris answered, shaking his head with a smile. Adam couldn’t think of anything else to keep him there, even though he really didn‘t want him to leave yet. Reluctantly, he walked Kris back to the living room. “I had a really good time today,” Kris said, stopping by the door and worrying his bottom lip between his teeth as he glanced up at Adam. He grinned then, and even though he’d had it directed at him all day, Adam couldn’t help thinking how perfect his smile was.

“So did I,” Adam told him, moving just a tiny bit closer. Instead of stepping back to maintain the distance, Kris shifted towards him, so near that they were practically touching now. Adam‘s eyes traced the curve of his lips. He had come so close to kissing Kris in the theater, but he hadn‘t and now he couldn‘t remember why not. “Are we still on for the movie?”

“Yeah, of course,” Kris nodded, swallowing hard, his eyes locked with Adam’s as the space between them seemed to melt away. Adam paused, searching his face for any hesitation, giving Kris time to stop this if he wanted to, before dipping his head and pressing his lips to his. Kris leaned into the kiss, his hands sliding up Adam’s chest to rest on his shoulders as Adam brought one hand up to cup his cheek, the other settling on his hip.

Kris’ lips were smooth and pliable under his, the faint taste of chapstick lingering on them. He could feel Kris smile as he licked at his lower lip, a surge of desire shooting through him as Kris’ tongue briefly grazed his. “I’ve wanted to do that all day,” Adam admitted softly, leaning back just enough so that he could see his face. Kris’ eyes were a little glazed as they blinked open, his lips wet and swollen. He grinned at Adam, stretching up to press their mouths together one more time.

“Me, too,” Kris whispered against his lips, his fingers trailing along Adam‘s collarbone, sending a shiver up his spine. “I really do have to go, but I’ll see you tomorrow?” he asked, finally dropping his arms and shuffling back a step.

“Yeah,” Adam nodded, missing the contact already, even if his lips were still tingling, but placated by knowing that he’d see Kris again in a few hours. “Definitely.”

“Okay. Good night,” Kris told him. He pulled the door open, smiling at him once more before he left. Adam stood in the doorway, barely able to make Kris out in the darkness as he walked to his car. A minute passed, then the car roared to life, the headlights forcing him to look away. Adam stayed there until the red taillights faded into the night, deciding this was the best vacation he’d ever taken.


	6. Chapter 6

_“Who knows where inspiration comes from. Perhaps it arises from desperation. Perhaps it comes from the flukes of the universe, the kindness of the muses.”_ \- Amy Tan

Kris floated on his back, moving his arms and legs lazily as he stared up at the clouds drifting overhead, thinking back longingly to the days when he could easily spot monsters and animals in the changing shapes. All he saw now was the threat of an afternoon shower, the clouds still fluffy white against the blue sky but already taller than when he first came out. The cool water lapped at his chest, making him shiver as it splashed on his sun-warmed skin.

When he’d left Adam’s last night, he’d gone home and wrote late into the night, making up for lost time, not that he regretted a second he’d spent with Adam. The words had flowed easily, coming to him quickly as though they were being whispered in his ear, his fingers flying over the keyboard with barely a pause. Maybe Adam was his own personal muse. The thought made him laugh, an obvious mistake as the sudden movement sent water streaming over his face, making him sputter as he pushed himself vertical, bobbing in the water, his nose and throat burning. Shaking his head, he ran a hand over his face, which didn’t really help a lot since his hands were wet, too.

Kris coughed and swam over to the dock, drying his face on the t-shirt he’d left there. His nose still burning a little, he pushed off from the edge, swimming slowly towards the center of the lake, but not going too far before turning around and heading back. The water got drastically deeper a couple of hundred feet from the shore, and even though he was a strong swimmer, he tried not to swim past that point, especially if he was alone.

As his arms cut through the water, Kris let his mind drift to Adam. He couldn’t remember ever meeting anyone that he was so comfortable with after such a short time. He’d gotten the impression that if he hadn’t wanted to leave last night that would have been fine with Adam. After that kiss, leaving was really the last thing he‘d wanted to do, but he’d felt odd lying to Adam about work after the day they had spent together. Well, not lying, just omitting a _really_ important part. He’d honestly been afraid that if he didn’t leave, he would get caught up in the moment and say something he’d regret.

He still didn’t particularly like it, but self-preservation came first. Telling Adam could be a disaster. Things were great the way they were, and there was no point in ruining that, not when it would all be over soon enough anyway. Two weeks would fly by. Kris felt ridiculous for feeling sad about it, but there it was; he couldn’t deny it. That made it all the more important for them to make the most of the time they had, and Kris decided then and there that if Adam asked him to stay tonight, he would.

He didn’t have any trouble recalling the feel of Adam’s lips on his, and he’d woke up fantasizing about what it would be like to have those lips everywhere on his body, nipping and teasing and sucking. Kris flushed, even with the cold water splashing on his face, as he remembered lying in bed this morning, his hand wrapped around his cock, eyes squeezed shut, imagining it was Adam stroking him, Adam’s mouth around him. He had lain there a long time afterward, a silly grin on his face and come drying on his stomach, gasping for breath. Yeah, if Adam asked him to stay, he was staying.

The muscles in his shoulders were starting to burn. It was definitely time to call it quits. He looked up to reorient himself, surprised to see Adam walking along the shore, headed in his direction. Kris grinned, suddenly feeling less tired as he swam toward the dock. By the time he reached it, Adam had, too. He’d slipped his shoes off and was sitting on the edge, his feet dangling in the water as he watched Kris with a smile.

“Hey,” Kris said, swimming up to him, grasping the edge of the dock with one hand and pushing his hair back out of his face with the other. “You coming in? It’s nice,” Kris told him, blinking water out of his eyes as he looked up at him.

“Maybe later,” Adam answered, his eyes sparkling. The time they’d spent in the sun yesterday had really brought Adam’s freckles out, Kris had barely noticed them before, making him look younger, but at the same time somehow even more tempting if that was possible. His eyes tracing the neck of Adam’s t-shirt, he wondered absently where else Adam had freckles, trying unsuccessfully to reconcile the image before him with the demanding critic he knew Adam to be. “I just came to see if you wanted to have lunch.”

“Suit yourself,” Kris told him with a grin, pulling himself out of the water to sit beside him on the dock. Adam didn’t bother to pretend that he wasn’t looking, his eyes trailing appreciatively down Kris‘ body, making him shiver at the promises Adam’s gaze held. He really wanted to say screw lunch, and take Adam back to his place. He didn’t think he’d face much resistance, but he nodded instead. “Yeah, lunch sounds great.” Dripping water, Kris leaned back, shaking his head, sending tiny drops flying from his hair in every direction.

“Hey!” Adam laughed, holding up his arms to shield himself from the sudden onslaught. He pushed Kris away playfully, but Adam’s hand stayed on his damp skin, his fingers leaving a trail of heat in their wake as they skimmed down his arm.

“Sorry,” Kris smirked mischievously, leaning over and licking a stray drop off of Adam’s cheek. He hadn’t even really thought about it before he acted, but the way Adam looked at him, his eyes gleaming, the corner of his mouth quirking up into a smile, made him glad he had done it. Adam’s arm slipped around his waist, pulling them closer together until they were thigh to thigh, Adam not seeming to care anymore that Kris was wet.

Adam’s palm spread across his abdomen as he twisted to lower his head, his lips gliding familiarly over Kris‘, sending a jolt straight to his groin and making him groan out loud as his eyes drifted shut. Kris refused to think of it as a whimper because he didn’t _whimper_ , except maybe just a little bit as Adam’s tongue slipped past his parted lips, caressing every plane and crevice, tasting like mint and coffee.

Kris tried to remind himself that he did have neighbors, and that the dock was easily visible from a couple of the other houses, but he was already starting to get hard and he couldn’t really make himself care. “Adam,” he murmured into his mouth, covering Adam’s hand with his own and urging him down insistently until he was touching him through the swim trunks.

Adam’s lips moved away from his mouth, trailing kisses down his neck and along his shoulder, licking at the indention of his collarbone. His hand moved back and forth, sliding the rough netting inside the trunks across his sensitive skin, making Kris shudder as his fingers tangled in Adam’s hair. The pressure of his hand disappeared for a second, and then Kris could feel the waistband of the shorts pulling away from his skin as Adam slipped beneath them, his fingers trailing the length of his cock before wrapping around it. His long, languid strokes made Kris gasp and pry his eyes open, aroused even more by the look of desire on Adam’s face as he watched him. Adam’s eyes stared into his, silently urging him on as he quickened his pace.

Kris clutched at Adam, his fingers digging into his shoulder with enough force to leave bruises, but Adam didn’t flinch. Kris turned his head, burying his face against Adam’s chest, his jaw clenched as he thrust up into his fist. “Adam…I…oh, fuck,” he gasped, his hips jerking involuntarily as he came hard, riding out the waves, his eyes shut tight, only aware of Adam’s hand still on his cock as he collapsed against his side.

Adam‘s kiss was intense, sucking whatever little bit of breath he had left in his body out, his hand slowly moving up across Kris’ stomach leaving a sticky trail behind it. He nipped at his lip once more before pulling back just a few inches, forcing Kris to finally open his eyes. He stared up at Adam with what he was sure was a dazed look on his face, feeling much more satisfied than he had after his solo effort this morning.

Kris struggled to come up with a coherent sentence, but the best he could do was, “Fuck, that was amazing,” as he slumped, panting, next to Adam. Adam chuckled, a low rumble in his chest that seemed to last forever, and it took Kris a second to realize that part of the sound was thunder rolling in the distance. A fat rain drop splattered against his face, and Kris tilted his head up, his lips grazing Adam’s ear. “Let’s go inside.”

Adam scrambled to his feet, tugging Kris with him, his legs still feeling a little like jello. By the time they made it up the stairs, the rain was starting to come down steadily. Kris closed the door after them, followed a second later by a loud roar as the rain outside turned into a downpour.

“Just made it,” Adam whispered, wrapping an arm around Kris from behind as he stood looking out the window, his lips trailing over his shoulder. Kris leaned into the touch, groaning as he felt the obvious hardness pressed against his ass. He twisted in Adam’s embrace, his arms sliding around his neck, grinding his hips into Adam’s as he sought out his mouth. He guided Adam backwards across the room until they reached the couch.

Hands on his shoulders, Kris pushed Adam onto the sofa before sinking to his knees in front of him, the heel of his hand firmly pressed against the tell-tale bulge in his jeans, grinning as Adam moaned, his head rolling back on the cushions. He eased the zipper down, Adam shifting to help accommodate him as he pushed the denim aside enough to free him.

Kris could still smell the soap on his skin as he hunched over, wrapping his hand around the base of Adam’s cock, licking his way up and down it, tonguing the tip before taking him into his mouth. Kris gripped his thigh, moving his head back and forth, his tongue stroking the underside of Adam’s cock as he sucked in earnest. Adam gasped and rocked against him, and Kris knew with absolute certainty that nothing would be able to compare once he finally had Adam inside him.

Glancing up through his eyelashes, Kris found and held Adam’s gaze, watching the pleasure wash across his face. Adam was close, muttering obscenities under his breath, his fingers raking through Kris’ hair as he tugged at him in warning. Reluctantly, Kris pulled back, replacing his mouth with his hand, stroking hard and fast as he brushed his lips against Adam’s balls. Adam shuddered and came with a groan, leaving him breathless as he relaxed into the soft cushions.

Kris crawled up on the sofa to join him, straddling Adam, his softening cock pressed against Kris’ stomach as he kissed him, slow and languid. Adam gently caressed his bruised lips, soothing them with his own as his hand slid up his back, holding Kris to him. He could feel Adam’s heartbeat start to slow as his palms settled on his chest. The need for air finally drove them apart, and Kris rested his forehead to Adam’s, grinning at him as he looked into his eyes.

“So…” Kris said softly. “Lunch?”

Adam laughed, a deep laugh that shook them both, his arms tightening around Kris waist. “I vaguely remember offering you that before we got…distracted,” Adam said, raising an eyebrow at him.

“Good,” Kris said, leaning in, his lips almost brushing Adam’s again, but not quite. Adam looked at him curiously, a lingering smile turning up the corners of his mouth. “I’m starving.”


	7. Chapter 7

_"A book is a human-powered film projector that advances at a speed fully customized to the viewer's mood or fancy. Each piece of paper embodies a corresponding instant of time which remains frozen until liberated by the act of turning a page."_ \- John Maeda

Adam was surprised by how many people were in line outside of the Capri as he and Kris made their way up the sidewalk toward the theater. It wasn’t a huge crowd, but given the size of the town, Adam thought it was pretty substantial. “I wasn’t expecting so many people,” he told Kris as they waited their turn at the ticket counter.

Kris surveyed the group closest to them, leaning against Adam’s shoulder to whisper, “Tourists, mainly. There’s really not a lot to do at night.” Adam laughed as Kris raised his eyebrows suggestively at his last statement.

“I’m sure we’ll find something to keep us busy,” Adam answered with a smirk. Kris snorted and gave him a slight push forward as the people in front of them took their tickets and walked inside.

“Two,” Kris said to the teenage girl behind the counter, slipping the money under the window and taking the tickets from her with a smile. Adam frowned at him as Kris handed him his ticket and started to the door. Kris looked up at him in surprise, stopping just outside the entrance. “What?”

“You didn’t have to do that,” Adam told him. He wasn’t angry, and he didn‘t want Kris to think that he was. It wasn’t a big deal, it just made him a little uncomfortable. “I was planning to pay my way.”

“I asked you out,” Kris argued with a shrug, pulling the door open. Adam slipped past him into the building, turning back to Kris with a rebuttal already on his lips, but Kris stopped him. “You ask me out, then _you_ can pay. Deal?”

“Deal,” Adam relented, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. Kris grinned at him, giving his hand a quick squeeze before moving them into the refreshment line. Megan was behind the counter at the other end, and she gave them a little wave when she spotted them. Kris returned the gesture and stepped up to the counter to order. Ace was opposite her, leaning against the counter and looked around to see who she was waving at. For a second, Adam thought he was going to come over and say hi. Apparently, Megan did, too. She said something to him quietly, giving him a pointed look, and he glanced over at them with a grin.

“Adam? What do you want to drink?” Kris asked, drawing his attention away from Megan and Ace.

“Oh, um, bottled water,” he said to the guy behind the counter. He nodded and slid two waters and a large popcorn to them, taking Kris’ money and handing him the change. Kris led them around the line next to them, stopping briefly to say hi to Ace and Megan before ducking into the theater, slipping into the empty back row.

“Is this okay?” he asked Adam before he sat down. “We could move up or…”

“It’s fine,” Adam told him, sinking into a seat and taking the popcorn from Kris so he wouldn’t spill it as he pushed his seat down. He glanced over at Kris curiously. “So…Ace and Megan. Are they…?” He’d definitely sensed something there, but he wasn’t sure exactly what it was.

Kris sighed and made a face. “It’s…complicated,” he said, slouching down in his seat, his feet going automatically to the back of the seat in front of him. Adam raised an eyebrow, leaning back in his seat so that he was only a few inches away from Kris. “They used to go out, but they broke up and then…” Kris hesitated, which only made Adam want to know more. He nudged Kris with his elbow urging him to continue. “I’m not supposed to say anything,” Kris said softly, looking conflicted.

Adam was going to tell him it was fine, that he understood, but Kris glanced around and went on before he could stop him. “You’re not going to tell anybody. It’s not like most people don’t know anyway. It’s the worst kept secret in town. Ace has been seeing his boss for a couple of months. They’re trying to keep it quiet because the park service has regulations about employee dating or something, but…they’re not doing a very good job,” Kris winced, shaking his head. “I’m kind of surprised that he’s not here with Ace tonight.”

“ _He_?” Adam asked caught off guard. He definitely hadn’t seen that coming, especially when Kris had just told him that Ace had dated Megan. Even if Adam wasn’t attracted to women, he could still appreciate the fact that she was stunningly beautiful.

“I think it surprised Ace more than anyone,” Kris said with a shrug. “Megan and I sort of knew before he did. I mean, if you spend five minutes with him and Chris it’s pretty obvious, so…yeah. Megan broke up with him, so I don’t think she was shocked or anything when he started dating Chris a couple of months later.”

The theater had filled while they had been talking. It wasn’t packed, and no one else had sat on their row, leaving them alone in the dark as the lights dimmed. Adam reached into the bucket of popcorn just as Kris did, smiling when their fingers brushed. The film of the night was a screwball comedy with Bette Davis and Leslie Howard that Adam had seen before, late at night while trying to avoid a book he was reviewing. Kris hadn’t, though, and Adam felt a surge of anticipation as each joke unfolded, waiting for Kris’ laughter. The sound was like music, melodious and light. Kris laughed easily and often, and it sent a warm feeling through Adam each time he did.

When the popcorn bucket was empty, Kris set it on the ground then leaned back in his seat, his head resting on Adam’s shoulder. Adam smiled, finding Kris’ hand in the dark and threading their fingers together. Being with Kris was simple, comfortable. Adam had always had to try so hard in the past to make things work, but there was none of that with Kris. Maybe it was easy because he knew it couldn’t last. At the end of his vacation, he’d go home and Kris would stay here, and even if they promised to stay in touch, they probably wouldn’t. He looked at Kris from the corner of his eye and frowned. He didn’t really believe that. If anything, that was making it harder to be with Kris, knowing that this was all temporary and that soon he’d have to go back to the real world. Back to the office and his empty apartment and take-out for one.

Kris giggled beside him as Leslie Howard waved a fish around, quoting _The Taming of the Shrew_ , and Adam shoved all other thoughts to the back of his mind. He wasn’t going to ruin his time with Kris by thinking about the future, not when there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it. Kris glanced up at him with a grin before focusing his attention back on the movie. Adam should have known he’d enjoy all the literary references as much as he did.

Before he knew it, the movie was over, and Kris was standing up next to him, stretching a little as the lights brightened. “That was good. I guess I wasn’t expecting it to be so funny. Bette Davis isn’t exactly known for her comedic timing,” Kris said as they merged into the rest of the crowd inching toward the exit. Adam reached back for him so they wouldn’t get separated, smiling when Kris grabbed hold of his elbow, nearly plastering himself against his arm.

The crowd thinned in the lobby. It was dark now as they stepped out into the warm night air, but the marquee overhead was ablaze, bathing the immediate area in a soft glow that faded into the shadows. “Are you hungry?” Kris asked, still holding onto Adam’s arm even though there was no need anymore. “We could go to Randy’s. Or someplace else if you want?”

Adam had heard Kris talk about the restaurant, and it had been busy when they’d walked by there earlier on their way to the theater. “Randy’s sounds good,” Adam told him with a nod. It was just down the street, and there were a few other people who seemed to have the same idea, creating a rush as they all arrived at the same time.

Kris slipped through the crowd, dragging Adam behind him, snagging a booth in the back before it got any busier. Adam grabbed one of the laminated menus on the table, stuck between two metal napkin holders and glanced at it. “What do you recommend?” he asked, looking up at Kris questioningly.

“ _All_ of it,” he said emphatically. “Seriously, you can’t go wrong. Let‘s see, it‘s Monday, so the special is…turkey club with hash browns,” Kris said without looking at the menu. “It’s _good_. I think that’s what I’ll have.”

A harried waitress appeared, smiling even though she looked like she was ready to fall over. Kris repeated his order for her, then looked at Adam. “Sounds good. I’ll have the same,” he told the waitress. She smiled one more time, promising it would be right out.

“So, do you have any plans for tomorrow?” Kris asked. “I kind of feel like I’ve monopolized your vacation so far.” He didn’t look the least bit guilty about that, though, as he glanced up at Adam with a smirk.

“Yeah, hanging out with you is just torture,” Adam teased before growing serious because he did have something he wanted to do the next day. “Actually, I want to go back to the bookstore,” Adam told him, resting his chin on his hands. “There’s a new book I want to pick up, and Paula assured me she’d have it.”

“Yeah?” Kris asked with a grin. “It’s got to be pretty good to make you so anxious to read it. What is it? Maybe I should pick up a copy, too. I mean if _The Athenaeum_ ’s star critic suggests it…”

Adam chuckled and shook his head. “I’m not always right,” he told him, grimacing. Adam had given less than stellar reviews to books that had gone on to make millions, which didn’t mean that they were good books, but on occasion he’d given something a second read when everyone else seemed to like it. He could admit when he’d been too hasty with a review or too harsh. That didn’t happen often, though.

“So what’s the book?” Kris prodded.

“A.N. Kristopher’s latest, _On a Sea of Fleur-de-Lis_ ,” Adam told him. “I can’t wait to read it. I was actually disappointed I wasn’t going to be in the office to review it. It’s probably better that I’m not. It’s hard to be objective when you really like an author.”

“You liked his first book, huh?” Kris asked softly, glancing up at Adam before dropping his gaze to the table as he absently shredded a napkin.

“I loved it. I think it’s easily the best book of the last five years, maybe even ten. The first time I read _A Juggler Out in Traffic_ , I was floored. I’ve never read anything like it. I just connected with it, you know? I read a lot of books, but there’s just something about that one that…” Kris looked up at him with an unreadable expression, and Adam trailed off. “Have you read it?”

“Yeah,” Kris nodded with a smile. “It’s been awhile, though.”

“I keep a copy at work,” Adam admitted. He’d feel embarrassed telling anyone else this, but he thought if anyone would get it, it would be Kris. “When I get frustrated with a book, or I just don’t know what to write, I skim through it. It just reminds me that there are truly talented authors out there. That there’s hope.”

“I think any writer would be thrilled that their work means that much to someone,” Kris told him, reaching across the table to squeeze his hand. His index finger traced an intricate pattern across the back of Adam’s hand, sending a shiver up Adam’s spine as he watched Kris chew nervously on his bottom lip. “Adam, I…”

The waitress chose that moment to show up with their food, setting the plates down in front of them along with the iced teas they had ordered. “Can I get you anything else?” she asked, seeming relieved when they shook their heads.

“What were you going to say?” Adam asked when she was gone, watching as Kris sipped his drink. Kris had seemed so serious before, and Adam was curious what, exactly, the waitress had interrupted.

Kris hesitated for a second. “Nothing,” he said shaking his head. “I’m just really glad you decided to come here for your vacation. That’s all.” He smiled at him, and it was so genuine and sincere that Adam felt a stab of guilt for momentarily thinking that Kris wasn’t being completely truthful.

“Me, too.”


	8. Chapter 8

_“Man has always sacrificed truth to his vanity, comfort and advantage. He lives by make-believe.”_ \- W. Somerset Maugham

Kris pulled up the drive to Adam’s cabin, rehearsing the words over and over in his head. He knew Adam was going to invite him in, and Kris was so consumed with guilt right now that he could barely look Adam in the eye, let alone sleep with him. Adam’s remarks about his book had touched him and made his heart melt a little, but it only reiterated what he’d been telling himself all along - Adam was a dangerous person to confide in.

Kris didn’t think Adam would do anything to hurt him intentionally, but the truth was that he’d only known him a few days. Carly had told him enough times for him to believe her that an interview with him would be like getting a golden ticket. A revealing exposé would be even better. He wasn’t naïve enough to think that Adam wouldn’t at least consider it, not when it would catapult his career to the next level. Surely Adam had higher aspirations than writing for a small, obscure lit magazine. _The Athenaeum_ was top-notch, but it wasn’t the _Times_ or the _Post_ , or even _AGNI_. It was way too soon for him to even consider telling Adam the truth, and Kris was relieved the waitress had interrupted them before he had done something he regretted.

That didn’t mean that he liked lying, though. Kris could admit it was a necessary evil, but that didn’t stop the twinge he felt in the pit of his stomach every time he told Adam a half-truth or side-stepped a question. Talking about himself in the third person tonight had been surreal, struggling to keep his comments vague as Adam talked about his book. Adding to Kris’ guilt was the fact that Adam really _got_ it. He completely understood, more than anyone Kris had ever talked to, what he had been aiming for. He understood it, and he appreciated it. When Adam had laughed after a particularly rambling tangent and said he was probably reading too much into it, Kris had had to bite his tongue to keep from telling Adam that, no, he was right on target.

Kris parked beside Adam’s car and turned the engine off, sitting there awkwardly for a minute, waiting for Adam to say something. Maybe he’d just say goodnight and get out of the car, and Kris wouldn’t have to do anything. “So,” Adam said softly, cracking his door, the interior lights casting a strange glow over them, and Kris groaned silently, knowing he wasn’t getting off the hook that easily, “Do you want to come in?”

Kris repeated his excuses to himself before glancing over at Adam with an apologetic smile already fixed on his face. His resolve faltered, the look in Adam’s eyes making his heart skip a beat. “Sure.” Kris blinked, positive the word had come from his mouth, but not sure how since he was certain his lips hadn’t moved. Maybe he hadn’t actually said it out loud.

Adam grinned. “Great,” he said, climbing out of the car and waiting for Kris to follow him. Or maybe he had. This was a bad idea, just because his subconscious wanted to get laid was no reason to go along with this. Kris knew it was pretty much useless at this point to put up a fight. He might as well just give in and go with it. He took a deep breath and grabbed his keys, locking the car and trailing after Adam up the steps.

Kris stopped on the deck, his hands gripping the railing tightly, staring up at the clear night sky as Adam unlocked the door. Adam moved behind him, an arm sliding around his waist, Adam’s palm resting on his stomach in what was becoming a familiar gesture. Kris tensed slightly before relaxing against him, trying to ignore the guilt and just enjoy being with Adam.

“I can’t get used to how bright everything is out here,” Adam said softly, his breath warm as it tickled the side of Kris’ face. “I remember going to the planetarium on a school trip when I was a kid and being amazed that there were so many stars. I went outside that night with my dad trying to pick out the constellations we’d learned, but it was like looking at a different sky. I could only find Orion.”

Kris eyes drifted up to three familiar stars, and he smiled. “The Three Marias,” he said softly, letting go of the rail and covering Adam’s arms with his. He tilted his head back to glance up at Adam, amused by the perplexed look on his face. “The three stars of the belt,” he explained, his eyes tracing the line as he spoke.

“I’ve never heard them called that before,” Adam told him, his arms tightening around Kris, hugging him closer. “I like it.”

“So do I,” Kris said, his fingers absently stroking Adam’s arm. Kris wished it could always be this simple with Adam. When he allowed himself just to be with him, to enjoy the effortless conversation and the undeniable chemistry between them, it was easy to forget that there was a whole facet of his life that Adam didn’t know anything about.

Kris shivered as Adam’s lips brushed his neck. “Oh, fuck,” Adam muttered suddenly, dropping his head to Kris’ shoulder. “I’m a fucking idiot.”

“What’s wrong?” Kris asked, reaching up with one hand to touch Adam’s face, twisting the best he could to see him. Adam whispered something next to his ear that he didn’t quite catch, whether because of the low tone of his voice or because he was distracted by Adam’s lips against his ear, Kris wasn’t sure. “What?”

“I don’t have any condoms,” Adam repeated, his voice muffled by Kris‘ shoulder. Kris couldn’t ignore the conflicting relief and regret that coursed through him, a tiny laugh escaping his lips as he turned in Adam’s arms and leaned back against the rail. “It’s not funny,” Adam told him, a smile tugging at his mouth.

“Yes, it is,” Kris answered. “Look, we don’t have to…it doesn’t matter if we… I don’t care if we have sex. I just want to be with you.” He leaned forward, his hands resting on Adam’s hips, moving toward him until their bodies were pressed together, Kris’ eyes turned upward holding his gaze. “I’m sure we can otherwise occupy ourselves,” Kris said softly, his lips ghosting across Adam’s before pulling back and looking at him with a grin. “That is, if you still want me to stay.”

“Yes,” Adam breathed. “Stay.”

Kris looked up at him with a smile, his heart pounding and all his negative thoughts shoved to the back of his mind for the time being. He wanted this. He wanted to fall asleep beside Adam and wake up next to him in the morning. He wanted to hold him while he slept and watch him, wondering what he was dreaming about. “Okay.”

~*~*~*~

Kris yawned as Adam pulled his car into a space in front of the bookstore. True to Kris’ prediction, they’d had no trouble staying busy the night before, and when the groping and making out had slowed to a sporadic kiss and gentle caress, they’d lain awake in bed for hours talking. They’d talked about their childhoods, their families and friends, music and movies. Kris didn’t remember falling asleep, but from the way Adam had teased him this morning he’d apparently drifted off mid-sentence, murmuring about his pet rabbit he‘d had when he was six..

It had been a long time since Kris had shared a bed with anyone, at least for more than a few hours, and when he’d woken up that morning, curled next to Adam, his head pillowed on his back and their legs tangled together, he’d wanted to snuggle close to him and never leave. The peaceful feeling had lasted until he was at home in his shower, the guilt hitting him so hard that he felt like he’d been punched, and he’d literally had to lean against the cool tiles for a minute to steady himself. He’d been quiet since Adam had picked him up, but thankfully, between the radio and concentrating on the directions Kris occasionally gave him, Adam didn’t seem to notice.

“I need to talk to Paula a minute, okay?” Kris asked as they climbed out of the car and crossed the sidewalk to the entrance. “It won’t take long.”

“Take your time. I want to look around,” Adam told him with a grin. As soon as they were inside, Adam headed to the new release section. Kris saw the prominent display of his book, but he avoided it, following the wall on the opposite side to the back where Paula’s office was.

Kris knocked lightly on her open door, smiling when she looked up at him. “Do you have a minute?” he asked, moving into the room and shutting the door before she even answered.

“For you, I have all the time in the world,” Paula beamed. “You’re doing good out there, but I don’t think that’s what you want to talk about, is it?” She leaned forward on her desk, her hands clasped in front of her as she waited for him to tell her why he was there. Paula had known him long enough to know when something was bothering him. Even though some people in town thought she was a little eccentric, Kris knew she had a heart of gold and would do anything for him that she could.

Kris sat down on the couch against the wall, leaning his head back and staring up at the ceiling. “I need some advice,” he said at last, dropping his eyes to look at her without moving from his position.

“What’s the problem?” Paula asked.

“I’m seeing someone,” Kris started softly. “I really like him, Paula, but…it’s complicated. He doesn’t have any idea who I am. I want to tell him…I _think_ I want to, but…he’s here on vacation. It can’t last. So what’s the point? Besides…”

“Besides?” Paula prompted when Kris didn’t continue. Kris leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and holding his head in his hands. He looked up at her through his fingers and shook his head. “This doesn’t sound so bad, Kris. There has to be more.”

“He’s a book critic,” Kris answered warily. “He writes for _The Athenaeum_. And he loved my book. It _inspired_ him. I don’t know what to do, Paula. I can’t stay away from him, even though I should,” Kris glanced at her and shrugged. “When he’s around I forget all of the reasons that it’s a bad idea.”

“I think that should tell you a lot,” Paula said with a smile. “Don’t over think it. Let yourself be happy, Kris. There are always pros and cons, you just have to decide what’s more important to you. I can’t tell you what to do,” Paula said, earning a groan from Kris as he flopped back on the sofa. “Let me finish,” she chided. “There’s not a right answer. This isn’t a multiple choice test. It’s life and there are risks. You just have to determine which ones are worth taking.”

“I think I’m falling in love with him,” Kris whispered, reluctantly putting a name to what he‘d been feeling. Paula’s eyes were sympathetic as he glanced up into them. She didn‘t say anything, she didn’t have to. Talking to Paula had helped, he knew it would, but Kris had to figure this out on his own.

Paula stood up from behind her desk and came to sit beside him on the couch, touching his shoulder tenderly. “You’ll do the right thing, Kris. You always do,” she said, making Kris wish that he had her certainty.

“Thanks, Paula,” Kris answered, giving her a one-armed hug. She smiled at him like a worried parent, and Kris was glad that he’d come to talk to her. It sounded simple enough, weigh the consequences and decide what’s important, but Kris didn’t think it was going to be that easy. In fact, he was pretty sure it was going to be one of the hardest decisions he’d ever made.


	9. Chapter 9

_“The experience gathered from books, though often valuable, is but of the nature of learning; whereas, the experience gained from actual life is of the nature of wisdom; and a small store of the latter is worth vastly more than any stock of the former”_ \- Samuel Smiles

Adam was stretched out on the sofa in the living room, thoroughly engrossed in the novel he’d just bought. He’d been tempted to read the first couple of pages while Kris went in the drugstore to “stock up” as he’d put it with a grin, but he wanted to wait until he could read without any interruptions. He’d dropped Kris off a couple of hours ago when he’d insisted that _he_ wasn’t on vacation and still had stuff like bills and laundry that had to be taken care of. Adam hadn’t objected too much, he was too anxious to get started on the book.

It didn’t usually take Adam long to read a book, but he wanted to savor this one. He wanted to marvel at the way the words flowed, admire the imagery and thread the pieces of the plot together as he turned each page. He wanted to invest in these characters, learn their idiosyncrasies, and by the time he put the book down, feel like they were old friends.

Adam’s phone rang, startling him in the quietness of the house, and he reluctantly laid the book aside to pick it up. The number on the screen was the office, and Adam frowned. “Hello?” he answered cautiously, not wanting to deal with work while he was away.

“Adam! Hey, man. We just wanted to see how the vacation was going,” Matt said his voice muffled slightly by static, and Adam could picture him sitting on Anoop’s desk as they both huddled around the speaker phone to call him. “Anoop’s here, too,” Matt said, pausing to let him say hi and making Adam grin as his suspicions were confirmed. “So, how’s it going? Do you love it there?”

“I do. This place is amazing. You should see this house – it’s huge,” Adam told them. "I owe you, Matt. I would have never picked this on my own, but I‘m really glad I came here.”

“You aren’t bored yet?” Anoop asked skeptically. Adam had to admit that if it weren’t for Kris he would probably be going stir crazy by now, but the truth was that he hadn’t spent very much time alone at the house since he’d been there.

“No, not at all. I’ve been busy,” Adam answered. His mind drifted to yesterday by the lake with Kris and last night, curled up in his bed, talking with Kris as if he’d known him his entire life. Adam shook his head, trying to focus on what Matt was saying.

“Busy doing what? Have you actually left the house?” Matt questioned doubtfully. “I mean, if you have, good, I just thought you were taking, like, a library with you or something.”

Adam had to laugh at how well his friends knew him. “Yes, I’ve left the house. I’ve been exploring the town. I saw a movie last night, went to dinner. My neighbor’s pretty cool. He’s been showing me around some.” Matt and Anoop were quiet for a minute. For a second, Adam thought they’d been cut off. His cell reception was lousy out here, so not only was it possible, it was likely. “Guys?”

“We’re here,” Matt said quickly, snorting back laughter. “So this neighbor’s been keeping you _busy_ , huh?” Adam rolled his eyes and sighed at the obvious innuendo. He had a snarky comeback ready for Matt, but the knock at his door distracted him. He turned to see Kris standing on the deck, peering at him through the glass door, and grinned. Adam waved him in and went back to the phone.

“Guys, I’ve got to go, but I’ll talk to you later,” Adam said, motioning for Kris to come in as he lingered by the door, looking as though he didn’t want to disrupt Adam’s call. “Sit down,” Adam mouthed, smiling and patting the cushion next to him.

“Is your neighbor there?” Matt teased. “Don’t do anything I…aw, fuck it, you’re on vacation. Go get laid.” Adam could still hear him laughing in the background as he flipped his phone shut.

“Guys from work,” Adam explained, dropping his phone on the end table next to the book. “They’re all insane.”

“Anybody I would know?” Kris asked curiously, turning sideways on the couch, pulling one leg under him as he glanced at Adam. It was surreal, in a good way, for Adam to be able to talk about the magazine with Kris, and it made him strangely happy to think that Kris might be familiar with some of his friends’ work.

“Well, Anoop is the sales manager, so probably not him, but Matt Giraud is one of the feature writers, so I’m sure you’ve read his stuff. In the last issue he wrote about…modern Southern Gothic literature, I think. That may have been two issues ago,” Adam mused, smiling when Kris nodded.

“Yeah, I read that. It made me dig out my Flannery O’Connor anthology, which really isn’t _modern_ , exactly, but whatever,” Kris shrugged with a laugh. “You know, most people just tune me out when I start talking literature. It’s nice not to feel like I’m boring you to tears.”

“Same here,” Adam agreed. “Even people at work don’t want to talk about it because that’s all we do every day, but sometimes you don’t want to be objective, you just want to have a visceral reaction, you know? I always feel like I have to back up everything I say about a book, like I’m not allowed to just have an opinion.”

“That would be frustrating,” Kris nodded. He glanced at the book laying on the table, then at Adam. “If you want to get back to reading, I can go. I just thought you might be ready for a break.”

“No, don’t go,” Adam said, touching his arm. “I want the book to last. If you leave me alone with it, I’ll have it finished by morning. So, you know, you’d actually be doing me a favor if you stayed.”

“Well, in that case…” Kris grinned. Adam leaned over and kissed him before he could finish his sentence, his lips brushing across Kris’ tenderly before he pulled back with a smile. “Okay, you talked me into it.”

“Good. I was going to make some tea. Do you want some?” Adam asked. “Or I could do coffee? Whatever you want.” Kris assured him tea was fine, and he went into the kitchen to make it. While he heated the water in the microwave, he searched through the cabinets for two mugs, still not quite sure where everything was in the house. He finally found them and dropped the bags in just as the water finished. Carefully, he poured the water, letting the tea steep for a few minutes before fishing the bags out with a spoon.

Carrying the mugs in front of him, Adam backed into the kitchen door to open it. He frowned at the empty couch that greeted him, eyes quickly scanning the room until he spotted Kris standing by the piano on the other side of the room. “Do you play?” he asked, biting back a smile when Kris jumped at the sound of his voice.

“A little,” Kris admitted, taking his mug from Adam with a smile. “I haven’t played in awhile, though.” Adam watched him as he took a sip, blowing on the steaming liquid before gingerly touching the cup to his mouth. “You?”

“No,” Adam said with a shake of his head. “My brother does, but I never learned. Will you play something?” Kris hesitated, and Adam almost regretted putting him on the spot. Almost. “Please?”

“I don’t know…I…yeah, okay, why not?” Kris relented as Adam continued to plead with his eyes. Adam smiled triumphantly and took Kris’ cup and sat it, along with his, on the coffee table while Kris pulled out the piano bench, sitting down and raising the fallboard with a thud. Adam sat down beside him, admiring the way Kris ran his fingers reverentially over the keys as if reacquainting himself with them after a long absence.

Kris started tentatively at first, faltering and cursing under his breath as he hit a wrong note, but the longer he played, the more confident he grew until his hands were moving over the keys with ease, graceful and sure. Adam didn’t recognize the melody, but it was beautiful nonetheless. Kris’ fingers lingered over the keyboard a couple of seconds after he finished, then he finally let his hands fall into his lap and looked over at Adam.

Adam was a little awestruck, his mouth quirked up in a surprised smile. “You made it sound like you could barely peck out ‘Mary Had A Little Lamb’,” he accused playfully, nudging Kris with his shoulder. “I’m impressed. Really impressed. What other hidden talents do you have?”

Kris looked down at his hands before glancing sideways at Adam. Kris stared at him thoughtfully, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth, making Adam shudder under his intense gaze. “None,” Kris said at last with a rueful smile, shaking his head.

Adam frowned. He‘d meant it as a compliment, but Kris looked uncomfortable with the attention. “I’m sure that’s not true,” Adam answered softly, his hand sliding up Kris’ arm as he spoke. Adam leaned in, letting his lips move slowly and teasingly over Kris’, his eyes drifting shut as Kris returned the kiss. Adam marveled at how used to this he had become, the way Kris tilted his head, the easy slide of tongue against tongue. It wasn’t boring, Adam didn’t think he could ever get bored with kissing Kris, but there was a familiarity that Adam found mesmerizing. “I’m sure you still have plenty of hidden talents I don’t know anything about,” Adam breathed into Kris’ mouth.

Kris stilled for a second, his hand loosening its grip on Adam’s shoulder. Adam opened his eyes to find Kris staring at him, an unreadable expression etched on his face and something bordering regret flashing in his eyes. “The tea’s getting cold,” he murmured quietly, slowly pulling away from Adam and sliding off of his end of the bench.

Adam didn’t give a damn about the tea, but he wanted to know what he had said to cause such a sudden shift in Kris’ attitude. It didn’t make any sense. Kris clearly wanted to be with him, and it wasn’t as if he was running away, Adam thought, watching him sitting on the couch intently sipping his tea, focusing on it to avoid Adam’s questioning gaze.

He replayed the conversation in his head as he moved away from the piano, settling beside Kris on the couch, leaving enough space between them that they weren’t touching. Adam turned the TV on to fill the silence, flipping through the channels absently, not paying any attention to what was on the screen. He was still trying to work it out in his mind before asking Kris what was wrong, when Kris leaned forward and set his mug on the table, moving closer to Adam, curling up beside him on the sofa.

Adam sighed and slipped his arm around Kris, confused, but happy as he nestled into his side. He wasn’t entirely sure what had just happened, maybe he’d imagined the sudden change in Kris, but he didn’t think so. Whatever it had been, it had apparently passed now.

“I’m sorry,” Kris said softly, tilting his face up to look at Adam, the regret obvious in his eyes. “I didn’t mean to…”

“Nothing to apologize for,” Adam answered with a small smile, surprised to find that he actually meant it. Kris was warm next to him, his weight as he rested against him, calming and reassuring. It really didn’t matter to Adam as long as Kris was there. Kris stretched up to press his lips to Adam’s in a quick kiss.

“I’m still sorry,” Kris whispered into his chest, his words muffled by the fabric of his shirt. Adam smiled to himself and tightened his arm around Kris’ shoulders, gently stroking his upper arm, and pretended not to hear.


	10. Chapter 10

_“Lying is done with words and also with silence.”_ \- Adrienne Rich

Kris wasn’t sure how long they’d been curled up on the couch. They’d shifted at some point so that Adam was stretched out, Kris lying half on-top of him, his right hip pressed against the back of the sofa. C-SPAN2 was playing in the background, an After Words rerun that they’d both seen before, and Kris hadn’t paid attention to it since Adam’s fingers had slipped beneath the hem of his t-shirt, absently stroking his lower back.

Kris still regretted the way he’d reacted earlier, but all of Adam’s talk about secret talents had felt more like an accusation than the playful way Kris was sure he’d meant it. The guilt was starting to take a toll on him, making him read more into Adam’s words than what was actually there. He'd repeated all of his reasons and excuses to himself again, but he was becoming less convinced each time. Kris knew he was rationalizing, trying to justify the fact that he hadn’t told Adam the truth yet, and he realized there was a very big possibility of this all blowing up in his face.

It was easy to forget about all of that, though, when they were lying together, his head pillowed on Adam’s chest, their legs tangled together, Adam’s fingers drawing tiny circles on his back. _This_ was what was important, being with Adam. His job, Adam’s job, that was all secondary, trivial. Kris sighed happily, giving in to the moment and not thinking about anything else.

Adam’s hand slipped down his back, teasing the skin just below the waistband of his jeans, and Kris turned his head up, his lips tracing along Adam’s jaw line before seeking out his mouth. Adam caught his bottom lip with his teeth, sucking at it gently. Kris pushed himself up until he was completely covering Adam, his hands on the arm rest on either side of his head. The kiss drew out, long and languid, and Kris slowly ground his hips down, making Adam groan as his hands slid down to cup his ass. Kris smiled into his mouth as Adam arched underneath him, pulling Kris impossibly close as they moved against each other.

Adam’s hands slipped under his shirt, pushing it up and forcing Kris to break away long enough to pull it over his head, dropping it to the floor without a thought. He worked feverishly to unbutton Adam’s shirt, pushing the fabric aside to let his lips move over his chest. Kris’ tongue flicked out to tease a nipple, scraping it gently between his teeth before pressing his mouth to it and sucking. “God, Kris,” Adam muttered, his fingers running through Kris’ hair.

Kris looked up into his eyes, encouraged by the blatant desire he saw there. Kris couldn’t remember the last time he’d been with someone who had actually meant something to him. He’d had a few random hook-ups while out of town on business, but that was always casual and fleeting, never someone he wanted to wake up with in the morning. Adam was different. As much as Kris tried to tell himself this was just a vacation fling, he wasn’t sure he was buying it anymore, if he ever had.

Adam smiled at him, and Kris pushed himself up to kiss him again. Kris rested his chin on Adam’s shoulder, his lips brushing against his ear. Kris breathed in deeply, the faint smell of shampoo still lingering on Adam’s hair and his subtle aftershave mingling into an intoxicating scent. Kris rolled his hips again suggestively, trying to convey without words what he wanted. He pressed a kiss to Adam’s neck, feeling his pulse pounding beneath his lips.

Kris sat back on his heels, straddling Adam and watching him closely as he let his hand trail down until he was touching himself through the denim. Adam’s lips parted, his breath coming in ragged gasps as he stared at Kris. Adam gripped his thighs, his thumbs running along the inside seam of Kris’ jeans, sending a shiver up his spine. Kris rubbed his palm over his erection, a strangled moan escaping as he pressed harder against his hand. Keeping his eyes glued to Adam’s, Kris slowly brought his other hand to the obvious bulge in Adam’s pants, smirking as he thrust up into the touch.

Adam wrapped an arm around his waist and pulled himself to a sitting position so that they were both upright. Kris shoved his shirt completely off him now, his hands running across the smooth planes of Adam’s back as they rocked together. “God, I want you,” Adam mumbled into his shoulder, his hands sliding under Kris’ ass to lift him against him. “Bedroom?”

It took a second for the word to filter into his brain, and even longer for him to gain control of his movement again, but once he had, Kris scrambled off the couch, tugging Adam with him, unable to stop touching him for even the few seconds it took them to cross the room.

The condoms and lube were still in the bag on the foot of the bed where Adam had dropped them when he got home. An identical bag sat on Kris’ nightstand at home. “Convenient,” Kris grinned, climbing on the bed and dumping the bag’s contents on the comforter. Adam laughed and joined him, sweeping it all to one side and pulling Kris down onto the mattress with him.

“Hi,” Kris said softly, looking up at Adam with a smile. Kris had tried very hard not to think about what he’d told Paula that morning because, really, it was way too soon for him to think he was in love with Adam. Watching him now, though, his eyes shining, peeking out from behind the hair that had fallen across them, his lips red and swollen, Kris felt a tightening in his chest that lust alone couldn’t account for.

“Hi,” Adam echoed, pressing a kiss to his lips, then trailing over his chest, licking and sucking his way down until at last his hands rested on Kris’ fly. He unsnapped the button with one hand, then teased the zipper down, seemingly taking forever. Adam sat back on the bed, and Kris raised his hips, letting Adam tug the jeans off quickly. Kris watched unabashedly as Adam removed his, too, gazing openly at the long line of his legs, the curve of his ass, the muscles in his shoulders as he tossed the pile of denim on the floor. When his eyes finally reached Adam‘s, the expression on his face made Kris’ breath catch. “You’re perfect,” Adam whispered, leaning over him again and capturing his mouth in a searing kiss that left Kris struggling for air, his fingers tangled in Adam‘s hair.

“Adam,” Kris pleaded, his hand slipping down to squeeze him through his underwear. Adam pressed his forehead to Kris’ shoulder and murmured something that Kris couldn’t make out. “What?” he asked, turning his head, his lips brushing against Adam’s ear as he spoke.

“I said, ‘If you don’t stop, I’m going to come right now’,” Adam repeated, nearly growling the words. Kris laughed and slid his arm around until his hand was pressed to the small of Adam’s back. Adam took a deep, shaky breath and slowly let it out. “Thanks.”

Kris smiled at him and brought his knees up so that his feet were flat against the mattress, arching up to remove his underwear, and kicking it the rest of the way off when it tangled around his ankles. He was hard, and Adam reached out tentatively, his thumb brushing lightly over the head of his cock, making Kris hiss, his fingers twisting in the blankets. He rolled onto his stomach, glancing over his shoulder to watch Adam hurriedly shed his underwear.

Kris wrapped his arms around a pillow and closed his eyes, trying to relax. He could hear Adam moving around, could feel the bed dip under his weight as he reached over to the other side to grab a condom and the lube. Adam pressed a kiss to his shoulder blade, working his way down until he reached the indention at the base of his spine. He heard the condom wrapper tear and a few seconds later Adam was over him again, his hand against his back. “Ready?” he asked quietly. Kris nodded, prepared for the cold substance, but flinching in surprise anyway when it made contact with his skin.

Kris focused on his breathing, in and out, willing every ounce of tension from his body, barely wincing when Adam slipped a finger inside him, then two. His fingers curled, and Kris moaned into the pillow. “Fuck, Adam,” he gasped, the sensations coursing through his body not leaving him coherent enough to say anything else. Adam took his time, dropping a line of kisses along his lower back as his fingers continued to move until Kris was thrusting against him, begging for more.

Adam covered his body with his, his lips brushing against Kris’ cheek until he turned his head and caught Adam’s mouth in a demanding kiss. As tongue slid against tongue, lips fused together, Adam entered him slowly, Kris’ sharp cry muffled by the kiss. “Easy,” Adam murmured into his mouth, pulling out slightly before pushing in deeper. He stilled then, giving Kris the chance to adjust. Adam brought his hand up, wiping the thin sheen of sweat from Kris’ forehead, his fingers trailing tenderly down his cheek, waiting until Kris opened his eyes and looked at him. “Okay?”

“Yeah,” Kris answered. _Okay?_ He was fucking fantastic right now. Kris closed his eyes again, memorizing the moment - the feel of Adam inside him, the way Adam’s chest hair tickled against his back, Adam’s fingers as they threaded through his gripping his hand as he started to move.

Kris lost all rational thought as Adam drove into him over and over, slowly at first, and then harder as they fell into a rhythm. Kris met each thrust head-on, taking Adam impossibly deep, his breathing ragged as he moaned into the pillow. Adam’s arm slipped around him, his hand splaying across his abdomen before sliding down and wrapping around his cock. Kris felt like he was going to explode as Adam continued to touch him, countering each stroke with a thrust, leaving Kris dizzy and mumbling incoherently.

Adam shifted unexpectedly making Kris see stars as the sudden pleasure ripped through his body. That combined with Adam’s hand on his cock pushed him over the edge, and he came with a grunt, burying his face in the pillow. Adam’s movement became more erratic, and he shuddered, his body trembling over Kris’ as he supported himself on shaky arms, thrusting once more before collapsing on top of him.

Kris panted and pulled Adam’s hand to his mouth, his lips leaving a trail of kisses across his palm. Adam caressed his face tenderly as Kris smiled against his wrist, pressing a kiss to his temple. Kris frowned as Adam rolled off of him to throw the condom away, missing his warm, solid weight and feeling a chill sweep over him as goose bumps covered his arms and legs. He shivered and slipped between the covers, sighing happily when Adam joined him, tugging the blanket over them.

There weren’t words for what Kris was feeling right now. If he wasn’t reveling in the best sex he’d ever had, he’d probably feel a little inadequate as a writer, but given the circumstances, he was pretty sure he got a free pass on this one. There was no way he could be expected to put words in a logical order after _that_. But he still felt as though he had to try. “That was…”

“Fucking incredible,” Adam finished, grinning as Kris rolled over to look down at him. Kris reached up and brushed the hair out of Adam’s face, smiling at the slightly dazed look in his eyes. He ran his thumb across Adam’s lips, shivering for a completely different reason as Adam’s tongue darted out to lick it. He leaned in and brought their mouths together again, but this kiss was more relaxed without the urgency of before.

“Exactly,” Kris whispered, resting his head on Adam’s chest and wrapping an arm around his waist. The steady beat of Adam’s heart against his ear was soothing, and Adam stroked his arm gently as he closed his eyes, suddenly exhausted. Kris didn’t want to sleep. He didn’t want to miss one minute of his time with Adam, but he was too happy and sated to fight it. “Don’t want to sleep,” Kris murmured drowsily, not even realizing he’d said the words out loud until Adam chuckled.

“Sleep. I’m not going anywhere,” he said softly. “I promise.”


	11. Chapter 11

_“We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy”_ \- Walter Anderson

Adam yawned and rubbed at his tired eyes. Kris had been asleep for a few hours, but he hadn’t been able to drift off. He’d stayed there awhile just watching Kris sleep, the steady rise and fall of his chest, the serene look on his face, but it had been nearly impossible to keep his hands off of him. He just wanted to touch his arm, his face, to convince himself that he was really there and that he wasn‘t dreaming. Finally, not wanting to wake him, Adam had climbed out of bed, slipped on his pajama bottoms, and gone to the living room.

He’d only intended to read for a bit until he was sleepy, but he’d passed that point four chapters ago and still couldn’t put the book down. Adam had been nervous about this novel. He’d loved _A Juggler Out in Traffic_ so much, and he was all too familiar with the sophomore slump that derailed so many talented writers. He had hoped so badly that this book would live up to all the expectations and hype, to exceed them, and so far it had.

Adam tried to focus on the book again, but the words were starting to blur together. If he kept reading now, he’d have to reread it all in the morning. Besides, the fact that Kris was very much naked and asleep in his bed was more than a little distracting. Adam smiled as he slipped a bookmark between the pages and dropped the book onto the coffee table. A week ago, he’d been alone in his apartment, working on an assignment and eating cold pizza, completely unaware that Kris even existed.

This hadn’t been the way Adam had thought his vacation would go at all, but he couldn’t help thinking that maybe this was the way it was supposed to happen. Adam wasn’t sure he believed in destiny and fate or anything like that, but whether meeting Kris had been a coincidence or kismet didn’t really matter. They _had_ met, and Adam didn’t think his life would ever be the same.

Adam looked up, torn from his introspective musings, as Kris padded into the living room wearing only his underwear, the throw from the rocking chair in the corner of the bedroom wrapped around his shoulders. He smiled drowsily as he joined Adam on the sofa. “Hey,” he whispered quietly, leaning against Adam’s arm, clutching the blanket to him tighter. Adam pressed a kiss to his temple and slipped his arm around him, hugging him close. “I thought you were probably reading,” Kris yawned as Adam slid back against the couch taking him with him.

“I couldn’t sleep,” Adam told him softly, his fingers teasing the hair at the back of his neck. Kris leaned into the touch, sighing happily, his eyes drifting shut as he rested beside Adam. “Reading usually helps, but not this book. It’s too good.”

“Yeah?” Kris murmured, his eyes blinking open as he looked up at Adam pensively. He hesitated a second. “What makes you like these books so much? I mean, what makes them different from the thousands of other books out there? I’m just curious because you seem to be so passionate about them, that’s all.”

Adam had to think about it a minute. He wanted to give Kris a completely honest answer, not some stock reply that could apply to any book. “The writing is good, fantastic,” Adam said slowly, “but that’s not enough. If the plot and characterizations aren’t there, it doesn’t matter. These characters, all of them, even the most insignificant background character has depth. You feel like you could know these people, you could pass them on the street, you could _be_ them. There’s no farfetched plot, it’s just life. I think people can relate to that. I know I do.”

If Kris had been anyone else, Adam would have worried about talking too much, about boring him, but Kris looked up at him with a smile and nodded. “Go on,” he insisted, clearly sensing that Adam had more to say.

“Well, in _Juggler_ , I know it doesn’t seem that important, but I think the most telling aspect of the main character is the way his attitude toward the street performers changes. At the beginning, he just ignores them, resents them for being in his way, for panhandling, but by the end he has a respect for them. That moment when he realizes that they have just as much purpose in life as he does is…amazing. It’s stark and doesn’t pull any punches. It’s almost existential,” Adam said, breathless by the time he got all of that out.

“I always thought that was important, too,” Kris told him quietly. “When the juggler finishes and their eyes meet, and he drops the money in the hat with a smile…that’s my favorite part.”

“Mine, too,” Adam said in surprise, finding it remarkable that Kris would remember such a tiny detail from the book. Adam looked down at him, but Kris was staring at the floor. He reached over and tilted his chin up, kissing him slowly. He finally had to pull away, stifling a yawn.

Kris grinned and untangled himself from Adam, standing up and offering him his hand. “Come back to bed?” he asked softly, his face partially obscured by shadows. Adam nodded and pulled himself to his feet, not letting go of Kris until they reached the bedroom, and then only long enough to crawl into bed, wrapping his arms around Kris as soon as he was beside him.

Adam didn’t want to think about what was going to happen once he left. After only two nights, he couldn’t imagine falling asleep without Kris next to him. It wasn’t just the presence of another body, warm and familiar. It was _Kris_. This morning he’d woken up with Kris’ arm draped over his hip, his cheek hot against his back, and he’d never wanted to move again.

Adam wanted to bring it up, wanted to point out to Kris that the distance wasn’t that far, a couple of hours, but he just couldn’t do it, not yet. They would have to talk about it eventually, he got the impression that Kris was avoiding the topic, too, but he still had over a week here, twelve days, not that he was counting. He didn’t want to bring it up now, not when everything was going so well.

“Adam? You okay?” Kris asked, his hand sliding up Adam’s chest until he touched his cheek. “You’re awfully quiet.” Adam couldn’t see him in the dark, but he didn’t need to to picture his eyebrows knitted together in concern, a frown tugging at his lips.

“I don’t talk all the time,” Adam chuckled. He didn’t want to tell Kris what he’d really been thinking about. Adam ran his hand up and down Kris’ back reassuringly, smiling when Kris rested his head on his chest again. His foot brushed against Adam’s, slow and deliberate, tracing the curve of his foot up his ankle. Adam shivered, dropping a kiss to the top of Kris’ head. “I’m fine.”

It amazed Adam how well they fit together. Not just during sex, which had been incredible, but lying here now, Kris’ head tucked against his shoulder, their hips aligned perfectly with no space between them. It was easy and comfortable in a way that Adam had never experienced before, but, more importantly, it wasn’t just physical. Their personalities meshed well together. They could be silly and play around a lot, but they could also lie on the couch for hours, not saying anything, and be completely happy.

“Good night,” Kris whispered, his arm tightening slightly around Adam’s waist in a makeshift hug.

“Night,” Adam murmured. He lay there in the dark, listening to Kris’ breathing even out and slow as he drifted to sleep. “Kris?” he asked quietly, not expecting an answer. The only response he got was a soft snore, something that would normally have driven him crazy, but he found strangely endearing in Kris. When he was sure Kris was completely asleep, Adam pressed his lips to his forehead again. “I love you.”

He needed to say the words out loud, needed to hear them for himself before he could actually believe he really felt that way, but it was too soon to say them to Kris, at least when he was awake. There wasn’t any logical reason that it should, but the three quiet words spoken to himself in the darkness made him feel better, somehow more sure that this would all work.

Adam closed his eyes, trying to slow his racing mind, but every time he did, he was bombarded with images of Kris. Not that he minded, but it wasn’t really conducive to sleeping. He took a deep breath and slowly let it out, forcing his mind to go blank the way he usually did just before starting a review. He breathed in, held it, breathed out, held it - a technique he’d picked up from a book he’d read once and had been surprised to find actually worked. The simple act was calming, and the repetition nearly always lulled him to sleep.

Adam was lingering in that strange state between consciousness and sleep, when Kris jerked awake beside him, sitting up suddenly. His heart pounding from being woken up so unexpectedly, Adam sat up next to him and reached to turn on the lamp on the nightstand. “Kris?” he asked softly, hesitantly touching his back. His breathing was shallow, and he was trembling under Adam’s hand. Kris didn’t say anything for a minute, his head in his hands.

“Just a dream,” Kris muttered. Adam wasn’t sure he was actually talking to him until he glanced over at him with relief in his eyes, seeming almost surprised to see him there. “Did I wake you? Fuck, of course I did. I‘m sorry.”

Adam shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. That must have been some dream.” He kneaded the tense muscles in Kris’ neck, working at the knot in his shoulder with his thumb. Kris murmured his appreciation, rolling his head to one side to give Adam better access. Adam pressed a kiss to his back before resting his chin on Kris’ shoulder.

“Yeah, I guess. I…can we talk about it later?” Kris requested, glancing over his shoulder at Adam apologetically. “I just don’t want to think about it now, okay?” Adam frowned. Kris was clearly a little more shaken than he’d thought. He wanted to know what had upset him, wanted to know what he could do to fix it, but he nodded instead.

“Sure, whatever you want,” Adam told him, his hand sliding down Kris‘ back soothingly. Kris looked at him with a grateful smile and lay back down, pulling the covers back over him from where they had pooled around his waist. Adam turned off the light and lay down, mirroring Kris’ position so that they were facing each other. Kris tangled their fingers together, giving Adam’s hand a squeeze.

“Thanks,” he said quietly. Adam rolled onto his back, pulling Kris closer to him, until they were back where they had started, Kris’ head resting against his chest, his arm draped over Adam‘s waist. They lay there for awhile, not talking, just holding each other until Adam felt the remaining tension ease from his body as Kris finally fell asleep. He knew he was going to be dead tired in the morning, but he didn’t care. Adam stayed still long after Kris had drifted off, just listening to him breathe, his hand gently stroking his back.

Whatever doubts Adam had melted away as he held Kris to him tightly, Kris snuggling closer to him unconsciously in his sleep. If this wasn’t love, then Adam didn’t know what was and didn’t really want to know. Adam closed his eyes, exhaustion finally taking over, a smile on his lips as he gave in to sleep.


	12. Chapter 12

_“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”_ -Maya Angelou

Kris grinned and tried to bite back a snort as Adam slipped into the passenger side of his car, a hat pulled down over his eyes and smelling oddly like coconut. He turned to look at him curiously, raising a questioning eyebrow at him.

“What?” Adam asked. “You might be able to stay outside all day without getting sunburned, but I can’t, especially since I’ve barely even seen the sun in the last few days,” he smirked. “A sunburn would definitely limit our…activities.”

Kris laughed and leaned over, pushing the hat out of his way so that he could kiss Adam, still reveling in the fact that he could do that whenever he wanted. “Are you sure you’ve got enough sunscreen on?” he asked with quasi mock concern, sitting back in his seat and starting down the driveway. Kris was mostly kidding, but the thought of not being able to touch Adam except to rub aloe on him wasn’t really a joking matter. They’d hardly been apart at all since Tuesday and, much to his surprise, Kris wasn’t feeling suffocated yet. There didn’t seem to be enough hours in the day, and he’d found himself, on more than one occasion, trying to convince Adam he wasn’t sleepy when he could barely keep his eyes open.

“Yeah, I think so,” Adam smiled, straightening his hat. “So how far is the state park?” They’d decided last night, curled up in Kris’ bed, that they really should get out of the cabin and do _something_ that Adam could actually tell his mother about when she brought up his vacation. The park had been Adam’s idea, he’d seen the signs for it when he’d first arrived and a couple of promos on TV. He’d waved off Kris’ reservations and insisted that it would be fun, and Kris had reluctantly given in. It was Adam’s vacation after all and, even though Kris didn’t think he was exactly an outdoorsy person, if he wanted to go, they’d go.

“Not far, about twenty minutes,” Kris told him, smiling as Adam played around with the radio, making a face before settling on an acceptable station. Traffic was light and before long, Kris was turning off the main highway. He slowed down as they neared the entrance, one car ahead of them to pay the admittance fee. Kris reached for his wallet, but Adam stopped him.

“I asked you out, remember?” he quipped, handing Kris the few dollars it cost to get in. Kris took the money, pulling up and passing it out the window, taking the parking permit from the attendant and sliding it down in front of the windshield.

“Thanks,” Kris told her, flashing a smile before driving away. Adam peered out the window as Kris bypassed the main parking lot and opted for the one by the visitor’s center and offices instead. He parked in the shade of a huge oak tree and climbed out of the car, opening the back door and grabbing two sack lunches that he’d made that morning before locking the car up.

“What’s that?” Adam asked curiously, taking one of the bags from him and peering into it. He looked up with a smile. “Picnic?”

“It’s not much. I just thought we might get hungry and there’s really not anything inside the park except for a couple of vending…” Adam silenced him with a kiss, nipping quickly at his bottom lip before pulling back, grinning. Kris’ pulse fluttered just a little, a feeling of absolute contentment washing over him. “I usually leave it in the staff fridge and pick it up later,” Kris explained.

“Sounds great,” Adam told him, following him up the walk and to the entrance. It was a low brick building and one of the few spots in the park that had air conditioning, a blast of cold air greeting them as Kris pulled open the door. He looked around, hoping to see Ace. He wasn’t there, but Kris saw the next best person and made a beeline across the room to Chris Daughtry.

“Hey, Chris,” he said, grinning when the other man glanced up at him, a smile spreading across his face. His eyes darted to Adam quickly before focusing on Kris again, his eyebrows raising slightly. Yeah, Ace had definitely been talking about them.

“Hey, man,” Chris answered, bumping a stack of papers on the counter to line them up, slipping a paper clip on them and shoving them into a folder, dropping the whole thing by the phone. He didn’t wait for Kris to make introductions, extending his hand to Adam, “Chris Daughtry. Nice to meet you.”

“Adam Lambert, nice to meet you, too,” Adam smiled.

Kris took the bag Adam was still carrying and held them both up. “I wanted to put these in the refrigerator. Is that okay?” he asked Chris.

“Yeah, sure. I think Ace is in the staff lounge. Just go on back,” he told Kris waving them on. Kris headed down the hall with Adam behind him, turning down a corridor and pushing open a door that had a “Park Staff Only” sign on it. Ace wasn’t there, no one was, so Kris left their lunch, and then led them to the back exit instead of going all the way around the building.

“So,” Kris said when they were outside. “What did you have in mind?” There was a lot to do; golf, horseback riding, swimming, but he didn’t really think Adam was interested in any of that.

Adam shrugged. “I don’t know. What do you suggest?”

Kris grinned. He wanted to show Adam his favorite place in the park. Most people never wandered off the trail far enough to find it, but Ace had dragged him around for an entire Saturday shortly after he started working there, pointing out things that Kris had never seen before and ignoring Kris’ protests that they were going to get lost. Kris had just stood there in awe that first day, and he’d been back a lot since then, when he needed to clear his head or just when he needed a break. He’d never brought anyone else with him, but he wanted to share this with Adam. Kris took his hand, tugging at it slightly as he entwined their fingers. “Come on, there’s something I want to show you.”

Adam followed him without any questions as Kris took a shortcut through the picnic area to the start of the nature boardwalk. It was cool under the canopy of the trees as they headed deeper into the forest, the boards under their feet squeaking occasionally as they walked. They hadn’t gone very far when the trees on the left side thinned some, giving them a perfect view of the lake. Adam paused, pulling Kris with him to lean against the railing, their arms pressed together, gazing out at the dark blue water. There were a couple of canoes close to shore that looked tiny from here and a few fishermen scattered across the sparkling surface.

A light breeze blew off the lake, bringing the sweet smell of honeysuckle with it through the trees. Adam breathed in deeply next to him and sighed happily. “This place is beautiful,” Adam said softly, turning back to Kris with a smile.

“You haven’t seen anything yet,” Kris promised. Adam reluctantly left the rail as Kris urged him on, further down the trail. They crossed over a small stream, and Kris nodded at the steps that led off the boardwalk and onto a dirt trail. “This way,” he told Adam. They walked in a comfortable silence for awhile, parallel to the stream, not close enough to see it, but Kris could still hear the gurgle of water in the distance. The path split, and they veered to the right.

Kris kept his eyes peeled for the landmark he was looking for, a small boulder by the path, quickening his pace as he saw it up ahead. The trail continued on, curving off to the left in the distance, but Kris paid it no attention. He finally had to drop Adam’s hand as he maneuvered through the underbrush. There was enough traffic through here that it wasn’t too bad, but he had to lean forward to get up the steep incline without falling backwards, grabbing onto a small tree to pull himself up, his feet slipping a little on the carpet of leaves beneath his feet.

Adam cursed quietly under his breath, placing a hand on Kris’ back until he’d regained his footing. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Kris muttered, more worried about Adam than himself. He came here all the time, but he doubted Adam had anticipated this impromptu hike. It would be worth it, though, when they reached the end. They were both a little breathless a few minutes later when they finally broke through into a clearing. Kris just stepped aside, letting Adam take it all in.

The stream they had been following flowed in front of them, so clear that Kris could see the smooth stones through the water. Upstream a couple of hundred feet, the land sloped up dramatically, creating a small waterfall, the water pouring over the rocks before splashing into the pool at the bottom. It still left Kris a little awestruck, but today he couldn’t take his eyes off Adam, watching as he gazed around in wonder, the look on his face indescribable as he glanced at Kris. “This is amazing. Thank you,” he murmured, wrapping his arms around Kris and hugging him tightly, tilting his head down to brush his lips.

Kris could have stayed like that all day, but it was hot now that they weren’t under the shade of the trees and the water was inviting. “Come on,” he whispered to Adam. He sat down on a flat rock by the side of the stream, slipping off his shoes and socks and rolling up the legs of his pants to his calves before climbing to his feet and stepping into the water. Adam hesitated, and Kris looked at him incredulously. “Come on,” he repeated, laughing, leaning over to let the cold water run over his hands, rubbing them across his face and the back of his neck.

He looked up in time to see Adam set his shoes aside and step into the water. “Fuck, that’s cold!” Adam laughed, making his way carefully over to Kris. Kris wished he had a camera to capture the moment, but he’d settle for committing it to memory. The smile on Adam’s face, the gleam in his eyes, even that stupid hat that he was starting to like.

Kris was overwhelmed by how completely and utterly happy he felt right now as Adam‘s arms wrapped around him again. He never wanted this to end, never wanted to let Adam go. Kris reached up to touch his face, jerking his hand away quickly when Adam flinched unexpectedly. “Your fingers are freezing,” Adam whispered, taking Kris’ hand and rubbing his warm palm over his icy fingers before pressing it back to his cheek.

“Sorry,” Kris murmured with a sheepish grin, laughing against Adam’s chest, his smile fading as Adam lifted his chin until he was staring up into his eyes. The words were on the tip of Kris’ tongue, and it would be so easy to just say it, but he couldn’t. Adam ended the internal debate raging inside him, dipping his head to capture Kris’ mouth in a slow kiss that started out innocently enough, but quickly turned heated as Kris tried to convey all the emotions he was feeling without words. Kris clutched Adam’s shoulders, gripping them so hard his fingers hurt.

He pulled away reluctantly, only his need for air outweighing his need for Adam. “I can’t feel my feet,” Adam said after a few seconds of silence, making Kris giggle as they stumbled out of the stream, collapsing next to each other on the bank, holding their feet out to let the sun warm and dry them.

Kris glanced at his watch, surprised at how long it had taken them to get here, and they still had to retrace their steps. He looked at Adam, intending to suggest that they head back, but his face was turned up to the sky, his eyes closed, his lips slightly parted, and Kris forgot what he was going to say. They weren’t in any rush and didn’t have anywhere else to be. It wouldn’t hurt if they stayed a little longer.


	13. Chapter 13

_“I love writing. I love the swirl and swing of words as they tangle with human emotions.”_   
\- James A. Michener

Adam stared down at the book in his hands, not really seeing it, his finger tracing absently over the raised letters on the front, his palm pressed firmly to the cover. He’d fully expected this book to be amazing, but he hadn’t counted on it dragging up so many conflicting emotions and leaving him feeling so utterly drained. The words had touched him, taken him back to a point in his life that he’d rather not think about, but at the same time, the book left him with a sudden optimism that he couldn’t really explain or account for.

Maybe it was just the juxtaposition of looking at where he had been six months ago and seeing where he was now. After his last breakup, Adam hadn’t been sure that he’d ever find what he was searching for, hadn’t been sure if it even _existed_. The breakup had been quick and painful and had left him wondering if it was even worth it if someone he cared about could hurt him that badly.

At the time, it had felt like his world was coming apart at the seams, but now Adam could look back on it with the advantage distance provided and see it all in perspective. It still stung, he was pretty sure it always would, but he doubted he’d be where he was now if it hadn’t happened. He wouldn’t change the last two weeks for anything; not for all the money in the world or a writing gig with the _Times_ or even an interview with A.N. Kristopher. As wonderful as all of that stuff would be, the time he’d spent with Kris was worth more than all of that combined.

He only had a few more days of vacation left, and even though he and Kris had been pretty much inseparable, they still hadn’t discussed what was going to happen when he had to leave. Adam knew what he wanted, and he knew that he’d do whatever he had to do to make it happen, but there never seemed to be a right time to bring it up. There was also an irrational rush of fear that held him back every time he came close to mentioning it. If he and Kris weren’t on the same page, Adam would shrug and tell him it was fine, that he understood, but he wasn’t that good of an actor. He didn’t want his last few days with Kris to be awkward and uncomfortable. If that was the case, he’d rather not know.

Adam sighed and laid the book beside him on the pier, dragging his feet through the water in lazy circles and turning his face up to the sun. Having too much time to think inevitably led to trouble for him, and he didn’t want to be all introspective and moody when Kris got back from his dentist appointment. He’d offered to cancel, Adam remembered with a smile, insisting that he could reschedule, but Adam had told him that was ridiculous. He could find something to do for an hour while Kris went into town.

He checked his watch, rolling his eyes at himself for wondering how much longer Kris would be. It wasn’t that he _needed_ him there, he wasn’t clingy or desperate, but Adam couldn’t deny that things were just better when Kris was around. He heard the sound of a car in the distance and grinned, but he stayed where he was, not moving until the pier creaked behind him as Kris stepped onto it.

Adam opened his eyes to see Kris staring down at him. “Hey,” Adam said, shading his eyes from the sun and smiling. “How did it go?” Kris plopped down beside him, sitting cross-legged, and grinned wide to show his teeth.

“Okay, but he still thinks I should have my wisdom teeth out,” Kris frowned, “I don’t like how confident he was. ‘Sooner or later’,” Kris mimicked, making a face. “Why should I have them removed? They don't hurt!"

“It’s not a big deal,” Adam shrugged, laughing when Kris glared at him. “But I had tons of people tell me that, and it didn’t make having mine extracted any easier. It didn‘t hurt as much as I thought it would, though.”

“Yeah, well,” Kris grumbled good naturedly, glancing at Adam with an amused smile. “You going to come take care of me?” Kris was teasing, at least Adam thought he was, but it was the closest they’d come to talking about the future and it made him unreasonably happy to at least have it out there.

“Sure,” Adam nodded, gazing out at the water instead of at Kris. He couldn’t bring himself to look at him just yet, but when Kris touched the back of his hand, his fingers gently stroking the sensitive skin there, Adam finally shifted his attention to him.

“Good,” Kris said softly. He was quiet for a minute, his eyes searching Adam’s face, before he spoke. “I know we haven’t really talked about what’s going to happen when you…after this weekend,” Kris started, hesitating slightly, “but I…I’d really like to keep seeing you.”

Adam couldn’t say anything as the relief rushed over him. He had hoped that Kris felt the same way, but he’d prepared himself for the worst. To actually hear Kris say the words, though, was almost more than he could take. Adam was overwhelmed, but Kris obviously misinterpreted his silence.

“If you don’t want to do the long-distance thing, I get it,” Kris said, continuing when Adam still didn’t say anything. “I mean, it’s not _that_ far, but…I would understand.” Adam found his nervous rambling adorable, but he couldn’t leave Kris hanging like that, not when he’d put himself on the line when Adam couldn’t.

Adam reached out slowly and placed his finger over Kris’ lips, effectively silencing him and making Kris look at him questioningly as he pulled it away. “I want that more than anything,” Adam told him quietly.

“Really?” Kris asked. Adam laughed and leaned over to press a kiss to his lips. Kris smiled at him as he moved back, the look in his eyes taking Adam’s breath away for a second. Had he really only known Kris such a short time? Because Adam was already having a difficult time imagining his life without Kris in it.

“Really,” he murmured. The full implication of what he and Kris had just agreed to hit Adam suddenly, making him grin. He’d had an amazing time exploring Kris’ world, meeting his friends, but he couldn’t wait for Kris to visit him. They could go out to places that didn’t close at ten on the weekend. Adam could take Kris to his favorite bookstore, and he could meet Matt and Anoop. Well, eventually.

Kris laughed and rested his forehead against Adam’s shoulder. “I was so nervous about bringing that up,” he admitted, glancing at Adam. “I was worried that once you went back, all of this would just seem so boring.”

Adam’s arm slid around his waist, his hand on Kris’ hip as he shook his head. “You could never be boring. This,” he said, looking around, “could never be boring. I love it here. I love being with you.” It wasn’t exactly what Adam wanted to say, but for now it was close enough.

“Me, too,” Kris answered. Adam could finally relax and enjoy the rest of his vacation secure in the knowledge that when he did have to leave, it wasn’t the end, but the beginning. He’d tried not to think about it too much before, but he could admit now that leaving Kris, not knowing if he’d ever see him again, would have been difficult, if not impossible.

Kris spotted the book laying beside him and leaned across Adam to pick it up, noticing the bookmark stuck behind the front cover. “Did you finish?” he asked, holding it up and thumbing through the pages, glancing at Adam curiously.

“Yeah,” Adam nodded, never tiring of how enthusiastic Kris was about books. They’d caught the end of _Ordinary People_ on TV the other night and had spent the next few hours critiquing film adaptations; Kris loved _Fight Club_ , and Adam had walked out of _Love in the Time of Cholera_ after twenty minutes, unable to watch what had happened to one of his favorite books.

“So what did you think? Or should I know better than to ask a critic that question?” he asked, raising his eyebrows. Adam laughed and shook his head.

“It was fantastic,” Adam told him. He hesitated, not sure he wanted to get into the swirl of emotions this book had brought up, not now, but he didn’t want to hold anything back from Kris. “It really moved me and reminded me of some stuff I’d rather not think about, but that’s what makes a great book. When you can see shades of your own life in it, it gives you a deeper connection to the characters.”

“What do you mean?” Kris asked. “If you don’t want to talk about it…”

“No,” Adam interrupted. “I don’t mind.” He thought for a minute, trying to find the best way to explain without spoiling the plot for Kris. “There’s a point where the main character feels like everything is crashing down around him, he can’t trust anyone or anything, and all he really wants is to go back to the way things were. He obviously can’t do that, he’s just got to make it through, and if he can, he’ll be better for it.”

Kris didn’t say anything as he watched Adam contemplatively, listening to his words and nodding. “I went through a bad breakup, and I can relate to that. At the time, it seemed like the worst thing possible, but now…” Adam trailed off, looking down at his hands. He glanced sideways at Kris and smiled. “It hurt, but if it hadn’t ended, I wouldn’t have met you.”

“I’m sorry you got hurt, but I don’t regret it happening,” Kris said softly. He threaded his fingers through Adam’s, squeezing his hand, his thumb rubbing soothingly over the back of his hand. Adam loved these little touches more than anything. Most of the time he wasn’t sure that Kris was even aware of what he was doing, it was just instinctive for him to touch him, to be connected in some way. It was the spontaneity of it, the genuine affection behind it, that overwhelmed Adam and made him want to never let go.

“Me, either,” Adam told him, sighing happily and ducking his head as Kris leaned in to kiss him. Adam would have been perfectly content to stay exactly where he was for the rest of his life, but Kris pulled back after a minute, untangling himself from Adam and climbing to his feet. “Where are you going?”

Kris leaned over so that his mouth was only an inch away from Adam’s ear, sending a shiver up his spine. “I don’t think what I have in mind is appropriate for public viewing,” he whispered, nodding out to the lake where a couple of kayaks had just paddled into view. “Coming?”

“I guess that depends on what, _exactly_ , you had in mind,” he smirked, getting to his feet and shaking the water off of them before putting his shoes back on. Kris grinned, his hand slipping easily into Adam’s as they started up the hill to Kris’ cabin.

He glanced at Kris from the corner of his eye, mesmerized by the way the sunlight played across his face, filtered through the leaves on the trees. Kris caught him watching him and smiled, squeezing his hand tighter, stumbling slightly over an exposed root, laughing as he focused his attention back on the ground.

Adam still didn’t want his vacation to end. He wasn’t ready to leave and not be able to see Kris, to be with him, whenever he wanted. Knowing that Kris would be there, that he wasn’t leaving _them_ behind, made it easier, but he was still going to miss this.


	14. Chapter 14

_“The truth is the only thing worth having, and, in a civilized life, like ours, where so many risks are removed, facing it is almost the only courageous thing left to do.”_ \- E.V. Lucas

Kris sat on the steps of Adam’s deck, his head resting against the wooden railing as he stared out at the lake, the reflected moon rippling as a gust of wind blew across the surface. He had done a lot of thinking the last few days, and he knew that he couldn’t put off the inevitable any longer. If he wanted to keep seeing Adam, if he wanted to make this work, then he had to tell him the truth.

It wasn’t right to start whatever this was off on a lie. Adam deserved better than that, and Kris couldn’t stand lying to him anymore. It killed him that he wasn’t being completely honest with Adam. It had to stop. Tonight. Adam was only going to be here for one more day, and Kris couldn’t let him leave without telling him.

The words had been on Kris’ lips so many times during the past few days, but he’d waited so long to tell Adam that he wasn’t sure how to do it now. It would have been easier if he’d done it that night at Randy’s when Adam had first brought up his books, but he couldn’t go back and change that now. He just hoped Adam would understand why he hadn’t told him sooner.

It had made sense to Kris at the time, before he really got to know Adam, but now that he did, he knew that Adam would never reveal his secret, no matter what. He felt bad for doubting him at all and for letting this go on as long as he had. Adam had done nothing but be honest and open with him from the beginning, and Kris had lied to his face.

Kris slipped his glasses off and rubbed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose, trying to stave off the headache that was already forming. He glanced over his shoulder as the door opened, smiling at Adam’s blurry shape and putting his glasses back on so he could see him in the soft porch light.

“Hey,” Adam murmured, sitting down on the step behind Kris, leaning forward to wrap his arms around him and rest his head on his shoulder. “Have I told you how hot you look in these?” he asked, tapping the corner of his glasses, his finger trailing slowly down his cheek. Kris reclined against him with a smile, only slightly embarrassed that he’d been wearing them more and more since Adam had told him that a few days ago.

“You might have mentioned it once or twice,” Kris shrugged, biting back a laugh. They sat there for awhile just enjoying the cool night air and each other. Even if they kept seeing each other, Kris knew it wouldn’t be like this. The last two weeks had been magical, almost as if it were in a vacuum, without all the pressure and stress of trying to balance a relationship with work and friends and _life_. It couldn’t last, but Kris was still grateful for every second.

“I’m going to miss this,” Adam said at last. Even though he’d been thinking the same thing, Kris frowned and tugged himself free from his embrace, turning until he was kneeling in front of him, his hands resting on Adam’s thighs.

“You know you can come back anytime you want,” Kris said softly, “And I can visit you, right?” He smiled when Adam nodded. “We can make this work.” He leaned in, hugging Adam to him tightly, pressing his hands flat against his back and burying his face in his shoulder, inhaling deeply.

“God, I love you,” Adam murmured. He froze instantly, his fingers that had been drawing tiny circles on Kris’ hip stilling, even the steady in and out of his breathing seeming to stop. “Fuck,” he muttered so quietly that Kris almost didn’t hear him.

Kris pulled away, tilting Adam’s chin up to force him to look at him. “I love you, too,” he said simply, staring into Adam’s eyes and seeing the regret shift to relief. Kris crushed his lips to Adam’s, clinging to him desperately, never wanting to let go because once he did he would finally have to tell him the truth.

Adam sucked on his bottom lip, catching it between his teeth, his hands sliding down to cup Kris’ ass, pressing their bodies together as Kris circled his arms around Adam’s neck. As much as Kris liked where this was heading, if he didn’t stop now, they would end up in bed, and he would have missed another opportunity to come clean with Adam. He couldn’t let that happen.

Breathless, Kris forced himself to back away. Adam was surprised, a questioning look on his face. “There’s something I have to tell you,” Kris said nervously, forcing a smile, trying not to freak Adam out too much. “Something I should have told you sooner.” He swallowed hard, his mind racing as he tried to find the right words.

“Kris,” Adam started, but didn’t seem to know what to say. He was worried now, the space between his eyebrows wrinkled and apprehension muting the usual sparkle in his blue eyes. “What is it?”

Kris took a deep breath and slowly let it out. “He knows the view well. The field, the line of trees, the way the sun burns orange-red on clear days like this. So close he'd swear it could ignite that oak on the hill, and even though it never does, someday, he thinks it might.”

The first few lines of his book came easily, and Adam’s countenance changed from worried to confused. “What?” he asked, looking as though the words were familiar, but he couldn’t figure out why. Recognition finally dawned on his face, and he grinned. “Have you been reading the book?” he asked, still seeming perplexed by why that would require a big announcement.

Kris shook his head, making himself look at Adam. “I didn’t read it,” he whispered, almost choking on the words. This was even harder than he thought it would be, but he couldn’t back out now. “I wrote it.”

Adam laughed. “Okay, sure.” Kris frowned. Of all the reactions he’d anticipated, this hadn’t been one of them. He picked up where he had left off, quoting as much as he could remember until Adam’s smile faded into shock. Adam stared at him in silence for a minute, his expression unreadable. “Fuck, you’re serious,” he managed at last, gaping at him.

Kris bit his lip and nodded. “Kristopher _Neil_ Allen, A.N. Kristopher,” he explained, carefully watching Adam for any reaction. “I wanted to tell you. I came so close so many times. I…Say something, please,” he begged, reaching up to touch Adam’s face. He flinched away, and Kris dropped his hand dejectedly, trying not to let it show that the simple act had nearly ripped his heart out.

Adam pushed him away and stood up, pacing along the deck, unable or unwilling to look at him. Kris climbed to his feet, standing awkwardly on the steps, unsure of what to do now. “I feel like a fucking idiot,” Adam muttered more to himself than to Kris, finally stopping to level Kris with an accusing glare. “All those times I sat there going on and on about what an amazing author he…you…fuck. How did you even keep a straight face?” Adam asked harshly. He shook his head in disbelief and went back to pacing.

“I wanted to tell you,” Kris said to his back, wishing that Adam would be still and give him a chance to explain, “but I’d just met you. Maybe if you hadn’t been a critic, it would have been easier, but I couldn‘t take that chance.”

The implication of what he was saying hit Adam, and he whirled around to face him again. He was still angry, but there was a layer of hurt mixed in that Kris hadn’t been expecting. “Did you really think I would…that I could do that to you? I promise I have more ethics as a person _and_ a journalist than you give me credit for.”

“I know you do. I’m sorry,” Kris said. “I was wrong, and I know that now, but the longer I waited to tell you, the harder it was. I just…I didn’t know how. But, Adam, I’m still me. I still love you. Nothing’s changed.”

Adam looked at him sadly, shaking his head. “Everything’s changed,” he whispered. “You lied to me, _repeatedly_. The man I…the man I _thought_ I knew, could never do that. If I can’t trust you about something that important, then…how can I trust you at all?”

“Adam, please. I…” Kris said, struggling to find the words that would make Adam understand but coming up empty. The truth was, he couldn’t really blame Adam for being angry. If the roles were reversed, he would be, too. It didn’t make it hurt any less that he knew where Adam was coming from though.

“I think you should go,” Adam said, looking up to meet Kris’ gaze. He wasn’t angry or yelling anymore, which Kris would have preferred. Instead he was quiet, his voice flat and completely devoid of emotion. As if he’d already given up. It broke his heart to hear Adam’s voice, usually so full of optimism, deflated like that, and it made him hate himself for causing it.

“Don’t do this,” Kris pleaded, climbing the steps. “Please, just talk to me.” He wanted to reach out to Adam, to hold him until he got through to him, but the icy look on his face kept him away. Kris couldn’t believe how quickly things had changed between them, how that one revelation had turned everything on its head. “Adam…”

Adam shook his head. “You need to go,” he repeated. He turned and went back into the house, not giving Kris another glance, and closed the door quietly behind him. Adam pulled the curtains across the glass without looking up. Kris could see his shadow, knew that he was still standing just inside the threshold, but it might as well have been miles separating them instead of a few feet.

Kris stood there, stunned by the way Adam had completely shut him out, literally and figuratively. He didn’t know what to do now. Slowly, he started back down the stairs, glancing over his shoulder to see that Adam had finally moved into the house. He heard a door slam somewhere inside, and he winced, closing his eyes for a second.

Kris didn’t really have any choice right now. Short of sitting outside on Adam’s deck for the rest of the night, which he was pretty sure would only make Adam madder, the only thing he could do was go home. Kris made his way carefully through the dark, the only light coming from the moon overhead. He walked slowly, not in any hurry to return to his empty house. By the time he reached it, his eyes were burning, and he felt a little nauseous, like he’d been punched in the stomach.

Kris fumbled with his keys, dropping them on the deck and feeling around for them in the dark, before he finally got the door open. He left the lights out as he collapsed on the sofa, slipping his glasses off and dropping them on the coffee table, pressing the heels of his hands to his eyes in an effort to stop the flood that was threatening to overwhelm him. He took a shaky breath and let it out. He needed to get a grip and be rational about this. Adam was upset with him. He had every right to be. The best thing Kris could do was give him some time to cool off. Tomorrow, hopefully, they could talk about this, try to work it out because Kris refused to accept that this was the end.

What he and Adam had meant something. It was too important to throw away without doing everything in their power to salvage it. Kris knew he would have to prove to Adam that he could trust him, that he would never lie to him again, and he would, no matter what he had to do.


	15. Chapter 15

_“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up... It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”_ \- Neil Gaiman

Adam hesitated by the door, part of him wanting to go back outside and hear Kris out, but the other part, the bigger part, so angry at him that he couldn’t stand the thought of seeing him right now. He was angry at himself, too, for letting things get so serious so quickly, but there would be time later to examine his culpability in this. Right now it was easier to be mad at Kris.

Eyes stinging and an ache radiating from deep in his chest, Adam stalked across the living room to the bedroom, slamming the door shut behind him and sinking down on the end of the bed. The sheets and blankets were still in a tangled heap from when he and Kris had been in here a couple of hours ago, before his life had taken such an unexpected turn for the worse. Adam looked around the room miserably, realizing there was nothing in this room, this house, this _town_ , that didn’t remind him of Kris.

He couldn’t stay here, not now. Making up his mind, Adam climbed off the bed and pulled his suitcase from the closet. He packed in a hurry, barely glancing at the clothes he stuffed in, having to take half of them out and fold them when he ran out of room. There were things of Kris’ that had been left scattered throughout the house - a t-shirt, a book, a pair of sunglasses. Adam stacked it all together and carried it to the kitchen, leaving it on the counter for Ace to find when he came to get the key.

A small voice in the back of his mind kept repeating that running away wasn’t going to solve anything, but Adam told it politely to shut the fuck up and kept packing. He didn’t want to be rational right now. He didn’t want to consider all the reasons that Kris had lied to him. He _had_ lied, and Adam didn’t really give a damn why. He was mad and hurt, and his anger was the only thing keeping him from curling up on the bed and crying, the only thing holding him together.

Adam scoured the bathroom and kitchen for his stuff, making sure he had everything packed. Ace had told him that first day that the owners would hire someone to clean the house after he left, but he still didn’t want to leave it in a mess. He emptied the stale coffee in the pot and rinsed it out, drying his hands on the back of his jeans when he had finished.

This had been home for the last two weeks, and Adam had grown comfortable here. Now as he glanced around, all signs that he’d been here removed, it felt odd and foreign. Like it had all been a dream, and he had finally woken up. He went back to the bedroom, lugging his bags into the living room and piling them by the door. Adam gave the house one last sweep, his eyes landing on the book on the coffee table. Kris’ book. Adam stared at it a minute before slowly walking over to the table. He picked it up, unsure what to do with it now. He bit his lip trying to keep the sadness welling up inside of him at bay.

The book grew blurry as he looked at it, and Adam rubbed at his eyes with a sigh. Kris had done more than hurt him with his lies, he taken something from Adam that he wasn't sure he could ever get back. Those books had meant the world to him, _Juggler_ had gotten him through some really rough spots in his life, but now it had been tainted by Kris’ lies. For so long, Adam's dream had been to interview A.N. Kristopher, to talk to this man that had made such an impact on his life, but with Kris' words, he'd lost that. For the last two weeks, he'd been living his dream, _beyond_ his dream, and he hadn't known. Because Kris had purposefully kept it from him. It hurt all the more because Kris knew how much it would have meant to Adam if he had known.

It was still difficult to wrap his mind around the fact that Kris really was A.N. Kristopher. It made a strange sort of sense, though. Why he never wanted to talk about his job, why he was so interested in what Adam thought of his books. Adam felt like an idiot for not seeing it sooner, but it had never crossed his mind that Kris could possibly be keeping something so huge from him.

Kris just thought he was upset because he had lied to him, but it really went beyond that in ways that Adam was only beginning to understand as he sifted through his anger and tried to make sense of it all. He didn’t have all the answers. Adam only knew that he had loved and trusted Kris, and in return he felt as though his heart had been ripped out.

Still clutching the book, Adam walked back to the kitchen and dropped it with a thud on top of the pile of things he’d left for Kris. He fished his keys out of his pocket and slipped the house key off of his key chain and laid it beside the stack. It felt so final, but Adam tried not to dwell on it. He made his way back to the living room on autopilot and gathered his bags. His legs felt like they were made of lead as he trudged to the car, tossing his luggage carelessly in the trunk.

He returned to the house one last time to give it a quick once over, and when he was satisfied that he hadn’t forgotten anything, he locked the door and closed it firmly behind him. The sound of the slamming door still ringing in his ears, Adam walked back to his car and climbed in. He sat behind the wheel for a minute, staring through the windshield at the dark outline of the house. Earlier today he’d never wanted to leave and now he couldn’t get away from here fast enough.

He backed out and pulled down the driveway, the familiar crunch of gravel beneath his tires. Adam slowed as he neared Kris’ driveway. He didn’t know what he was looking for, he couldn’t even see the cabin from here. He cursed quietly under his breath and sped up, focusing his attention on the road ahead, the few feet he could see illuminated in his headlights.

He reached the main road and paused again, hesitating at the stop sign even though there was no other traffic as far as he could see. He might not be doing the right thing, but he didn’t know what that was anymore. Adam had never considered himself as someone who would back down from a challenge, who would sneak away in the middle of the night, rather than face the facts. Yeah, he was being a coward, but when the only other option was seeing Kris in the morning, Adam wasn't sure he had a choice.

He turned onto the road, not having to think about it as he drove the now familiar streets. He didn’t meet a single car until he reached the interstate, merging effortlessly into the outer lane, the only other vehicles around him eighteen wheelers barreling into the darkness even faster than him.

Adam turned the radio on, passing a couple of late night talk radio shows and a jazz station before settling on a classic rock station, blaring it as loud as he could stand, partly to help keep him awake, but mainly to drown out his thoughts. He forced himself to sing along, concentrating on the rhythms and lyrics, anything to keep him from thinking about Kris. It helped, but not much. He was always there in the back of his mind, the way he had looked when he’d pleaded with Adam to let him explain, the shock when Adam had told him to leave.

Adam grew less and less certain of his decision as he drove, which only made him angrier. He’d reacted quickly, a gut reaction to the pain he’d felt, but he couldn’t take it back now. Sure, he could turn around, go back to Kris, listen to his apologies and pretend that he’d forgiven him, but Adam didn’t think it was that simple. He wasn’t sure he _could_ forgive Kris for this. He wasn’t even sure he wanted to. Adam had been hurt before, his trust had been betrayed, and the last thing he wanted was to put himself through that again. He’d thought Kris was different, but he’d obviously been wrong.

An hour into his drive, Adam stopped at an all-night gas station to fill up his car and get a cup of coffee. He was back on the road in ten minutes, the weak coffee making him grimace, the taste helping to wake him up if not the surge of caffeine he’d been expecting. He sipped it steadily as he drove and soon his surroundings became familiar again. There was something comforting as he entered the city limits, traffic picking up and the buildings off to either side glowing brightly against the night sky. He was home, and he hadn’t even realized until now how much he missed it.

He ignored the voice in the back of his mind, softly lamenting the lack of stars. That was just fine with Adam, that was only one more thing that would remind him of Kris, and he could do without that. It wasn’t like everything in his entire fucking life wasn’t going to remind him of Kris anyway.

Adam’s anger had faded some while he’d been on the road, and now he was left with an empty feeling inside, a hole that he knew only Kris could fill. It made him sad more than anything else. A few hours ago, Adam had thought the biggest hurdle they had to face was the distance, but that seemed remarkably simple compared to what he knew now.

Adam was tired, and his thoughts weren’t even making much sense to him at the moment. He took the exit ramp off the interstate, turning through the narrow downtown streets, which were mostly deserted this time of night, only the bright lights of the 24-hour diner a couple of blocks from his apartment showing any hint of life. He found a parking spot easily, or easier than he’d expected, grabbing his smaller bag from the trunk, but leaving his suitcase to retrieve in the morning. He locked his car, and let himself into his building, the lights along the staircase barely providing enough light for him to see as he started up them.

Adam opened his door and flipped on the lights, dropping his bag at his feet as he closed the door and locked it behind him. Everything was exactly like he’d left it. A basket of clean laundry on the couch in disarray from when he rifled through it packing. A stack of junk mail on the coffee table that he needed to go through before throwing it out. Time had stood still here while he was gone.

It felt strange to be here. It was home, but he wasn’t the person he had been when he’d left. Adam sighed. It was too late, and he was too tired to get philosophical now. It was going to have to wait for morning. Maybe by then the jumble of emotions in his head would make more sense, but he wasn’t going to hold his breath.

Adam turned the light back off and made his way through the dark apartment to his bedroom. He kicked his shoes off and collapsed on the bed without bothering to take his clothes off. It was odd to be lying in bed by himself, and it sent a pang straight to his heart as he took a deep, calming breath and realized that for the first time in two weeks his pillow didn’t smell like Kris.

Finally, alone in his apartment, Adam let go and gave in to all the conflicting emotions he‘d been suppressing. To his surprise, the tears didn’t come. He was too tired, physically and emotionally, to feel much of anything right now other than the constant ache that had begun while he’d stared wordlessly at Kris and had only grown since then.

Adam rolled onto his back, staring up at the ceiling, the faint light from the building across the street casting strange shadows across it. Morning would be here in a few hours. It wouldn’t be long until Kris realized he was gone. He couldn’t bear to imagine his reaction, even though a small part of him wanted Kris to hurt as much as he did. Adam closed his eyes and tried to shove all of those thoughts out of his mind, willing his exhaustion to take over so he wouldn't have to think about Kris anymore.


	16. Chapter 16

_“The sudden disappointment of a hope leaves a scar which the ultimate fulfillment of that hope never entirely removes.”_ -Thomas Hardy

Kris covered the distance between his cabin and Adam’s quickly the next morning, a bag of muffins that he’d driven into town to pick up earlier clutched in one hand as a peace offering. Sleep had been the last thing on his mind last night. He’d tried to write for awhile, but he couldn’t concentrate enough to get anything done. He’d finally fallen asleep on the couch watching a cooking infomercial and highly doubting he could turn out anything like the five-minute masterpieces they seemingly pulled out of thin air.

He’d woken up a few hours later with a crick in his neck, but it was nothing compared to the pang in his chest when he remembered what had happened last night. He’d showered and dressed, leaving his house as soon as the sun was up to go to the bakery. The trip hadn’t taken long, and he’d paced around his kitchen, cleaning the room anxiously as he tried to wait until a decent hour to go over to Adam’s.

When he couldn’t wait any longer, he’d left. Running through all the things he wanted to say to Adam over and over in his head, Kris walked rapidly and with a purpose. He had to make Adam understand that he’d never meant to hurt him and that lying about everything had less to do with him and much more to do with Kris’ own insecurities. It had been a mistake to wait as long as he had, Kris knew that now. He honestly believed that if Adam would just listen to him and let him explain, give him a chance to find the right words and not stumble over himself like he had last night, that they could still work this out.

He wanted that more than anything. Adam had become more important to him than almost anyone in the world in the two weeks that they had been together, and Kris didn’t want to lose that now. Not before they’d even really had a chance to begin. He just hoped that Adam had spent as much time thinking about them since last night as he had.

Kris took a deep breath as he climbed the steps to the cabin, glancing through the window since the curtain across the door was still drawn from last night. He couldn’t really see anything, though, but there obviously weren’t any lights on in the house. He rapped on the door three times, not caring if he woke Adam. A minute passed with no answer, and he knocked again, louder this time.

When there was still no sign of activity inside, he tried again, calling Adam’s name as he banged on the glass door with the palm of his hand. Kris frowned. He was making enough noise to wake the dead. Either Adam was doing an excellent job of ignoring him, or he wasn’t inside. Kris raced down the stairs, rushing around to the front of the house, his heart dropping as he realized Adam’s car was gone.

Slowly, he walked to the back, sinking down on the steps as he considered the possibilities. Adam could have just gone into town for something or just to get away from him. He must have known that the first thing Kris would do this morning would be to come here. It hurt Kris to think of Adam avoiding him like that, but it was better than the alternative. Kris couldn’t accept that Adam had left. Just left without trying to talk about this or even say goodbye. Adam was mad, but he wouldn’t do that. Would he?

Kris remembered the hurt on Adam’s face last night, the hardness in his voice doing a poor job of masking his pain as he’d asked Kris to leave. He’d held out hope until now that they could fix this, but if Adam was really gone, what was he supposed to do? Kris dropped his head into his hands, feeling as though the weight of the world was on his shoulders.

His life had been so simple before Adam. He had his friends and his family, his work. He had been content. Maybe not blissfully happy like he’d been for the last two weeks, but happy enough. He hadn’t wanted more, but now that he’d had a glimpse of what his life could be, he didn’t want to give up on that. He wanted Adam, and the thing that made Kris the saddest was that he knew that Adam wanted that, too. He had, at least, before Kris had screwed everything up.

Kris felt like screaming, like crying, like punching something really, _really_ hard. He wasn’t sure how long he sat there willing Adam to return, but the sun was high overhead when he heard the sound of tires on gravel in the distance. Kris’ breath caught, and he felt a pain in his chest as his heart skipped a beat. He couldn’t make himself look up, not sure he could take the disappointment if it wasn’t Adam. Kris sighed and said a quick, silent prayer before lifting his eyes. His gaze traced the driveway, locking on the spot where the road disappeared into the trees.

A few seconds passed before a familiar car emerged, and Kris felt his last ounce of hope fade as he recognized Ace’s car. He bit his lip hard, not bothering to force a smile as he watched Ace park and climb out of the car. Ace didn’t say anything as he walked over to Kris, sitting down quietly beside him on the steps.

“I don’t know what happened, but I’m sorry,” he said at last. Kris looked over at him in confusion, wondering how Ace knew anything was wrong. “Adam called me this morning to tell me he had to go back early, but that he’d left the key,” Ace explained. Kris couldn’t help from wincing when he said his name, and Ace smiled apologetically at him.

Kris just nodded as Ace confirmed what he’d already suspected. Adam was gone, and Kris didn’t know when, or if, he’d ever see him again. Adam had made his feelings on the matter obvious. “He sounded really bad, man,” Ace told him, and Kris wasn’t sure whether that made him want to smile or cry. He didn’t want to picture Adam sitting around his apartment as miserable as he was, but at the same time, it helped to know that he did still care. “What happened, Kris?”

“I told him the truth,” Kris answered softly, staring down at the dirt. “I just didn’t do it soon enough. God, Ace, I really messed this up.”

“The only way you’ll mess it up,” Ace said gently, but firmly, “is if you don’t fix it.”

“How am I supposed to do that when he won’t even talk to me? I didn’t even know he was gone,” Kris said, his voice raising. He wasn’t mad at Ace, and from the sympathetic look on his face he knew that, but the whole situation was so damn frustrating that he couldn’t help being angry.

“You’ll figure it out. If you really want to, you will.” Kris frowned at him, and Ace shrugged. “I get impossible situations, Kris. I really do, but there are some things that are worth whatever you have to do to get them. Life’s too short to waste time. Decide what you want and then figure out how to make it happen. If anyone can do that, it’s you.”

Kris knew Ace meant well, but he really wasn’t in the mood to hear it right now. Ace seemed to get that. He gave his shoulder a quick squeeze and climbed to his feet. “I’m gonna get the key,” he said quietly. Kris nodded his head in response, closing his eyes as he heard the door slide open behind him.

It was hard to think of the house without Adam in it. All the time they had spent there felt as though it was a lifetime ago now. It all flashed through his mind; the first night he’d stayed there, and they’d sat up talking until the early morning. Waking up next to Adam the morning after they’d slept together for the first time, gloriously sore and so happy he’d never wanted to get out of bed. The morning Adam had decided to cook breakfast, and Kris had distracted him while he was making the eggs. The house had smelt like smoke and burnt eggs for a couple of days after that, and they’d had to go to town to replace the pan he had ruined.

Kris smiled wistfully. It had been the most amazing two weeks of his life, even better than when he’d found out his first book was going to be published. That had been wonderful, and his family had been so supportive, but after hanging up the phone from calling them he’d been alone. He had thought for a long time that that was what he wanted. No entanglements and no one making demands on his time, leaving him free to write and travel as his job demanded it. Being with Adam had made him realize that any sacrifices he would have to make would be worth it.

He heard the door slide open behind him, and Kris rubbed wearily at his eyes, surprised to find them slightly damp in the corners. “I think this is for you,” Ace said hesitantly, reaching down and holding out a stack of stuff to him. Kris swallowed hard and took it, whispering a halfhearted thanks to Ace.

“Are you going to be okay?” Ace asked after a second. Kris nodded, but didn’t look at him, his fingers running absently over his things that Adam had left behind for him. “Look, a few of us are getting together at Meg’s tonight. Why don’t you come? Just pizza and a movie like we used to do. What do you say?”

Ace sounded so hopeful that Kris hated to let him down, but he shook his head. “Thanks, but I really don’t think I’d be very good company.” There was no point in all of his friends being miserable just because he was. He’d do them all a favor and stay home tonight.

“All the more reason,” Ace told him quietly, but he didn’t push it. “If you change your mind, we’ll be there, okay?” Kris nodded and forced a weak smile for him. Ace was only trying to help, and he appreciated him for that. His friends really were fantastic. Ace moved down the stairs, brushing past Kris with one final pat on his shoulder. He stopped halfway to his car, turning back to look at Kris. “Just fix it, Kris. You‘re going to be miserable until you at least try.”

Ace didn’t wait for an answer. He probably knew Kris didn’t have one. He sat on the steps, staring out at the lake, and thought about what Ace had said. He was right, of course. If Adam wasn’t going to talk to him, then Kris had to find a way to make him listen. He just didn’t know how. What was he supposed to do? Show up on his doorstep and refuse to leave until he let him in? Send him a text every five minutes until he got tired of it and answered or changed his number?

Kris couldn’t really see himself doing any of that. He clearly had to do something, though. He tried to be objective, taking a step back and looking at the situation with unbiased eyes. What would he do if he were writing this? If one of his characters had gotten themselves into this kind of mess?

Kris’ mind was blank. He’d sure picked a hell of a time to develop writer’s block. Ace had told him he’d figure it out, and now he could only hope that Ace was right. He had to get Adam to talk to him again because not talking to him wasn’t an option. “Fix it, huh?” Kris muttered to himself, wishing Ace had offered a little more advice than that. “How, _exactly_ , am I supposed to do that?”

If he was suddenly expecting an answer, it didn’t come. Kris sighed and shook his head. Slowly, he climbed to his feet and start the trek back to his house, lost in thought as he walked. Maybe it would come to him the way plotlines in his stories did, staring up at his ceiling in the middle of the night or washing dishes or doing one of the hundreds of other mundane things he did on a regular basis. He hoped so because right now he didn’t have any idea what he was going to do.


	17. Chapter 17

_“Whenever you're in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.”_ \- William James

Adam stared vacantly at his computer screen. He’d been back at the office a few days now, but he might as well have called in sick for all the work he was getting done. He couldn’t concentrate, zoning out at meetings and ignoring the stack of phone messages on his desk that he needed to return. Elliott had pulled him aside yesterday and told him, sympathetically but firmly, to snap out of it. The rest of the staff, even Matt and Anoop, were keeping their distance after he’d made it obvious he didn’t want to talk about his vacation.

He’d hardly slept at all, and even though he wasn’t accomplishing much, Adam would still rather be at work than at home. At least here there were people and things to distract him. At his apartment, all he had to do was mope around and think about Kris. Adam sighed, holding his head in his hands. He looked up as a timid knock echoed through his office. “Come in,” he called wearily, sitting up and trying to appear professional.

The door inched open, and a flash of bright red hair caught his attention. Allison Iraheta was _The Athenaeum_ ’s new intern. She had started while Adam was on vacation, and he really hadn’t gotten a chance to know her yet. Adam had been one of the few people who had been excited at the prospect of having an intern, well for other than copy and coffee making purposes, and he felt guilty that he hadn’t given her very much of his time so far. He remembered what it was like, and if some of his mentors hadn’t taken him under their wings and shown him the ropes, he wouldn’t have gotten as far as he had.

“Hi, Mr. Lambert,” she said with a nervous smile. “Elliott wanted to let you know that the release for Shaeffer’s book has been pushed back, and the publisher wants to do the interview closer to the date.”

Adam groaned silently. It had taken him months to line up that interview. There was no way he could find a replacement on such short notice. “Thanks. Tell him I’ll take care of it, okay?” Allison nodded and started to back out of the door. “Allison?”

“Yes?” she asked, looking at him expectantly. It hadn’t escaped his attention that she had called him Mr. Lambert, while she was already on a first name basis with his boss. It didn’t sit well with Adam and made him feel even worse for the way he’d been acting this week.

“I was wondering if you’d have time to proof a couple of reviews for me later?” he asked, a genuine smile touching his lips when she nodded enthusiastically. “Great, I’ll email them to you. Oh, and it’s Adam, okay? Mr. Lambert’s my dad.” He made a face and shook his head.

Allison laughed. “Okay. Thanks, Adam,” she grinned, closing the door quietly. Adam smiled. The essay Allison had written to get the internship had been phenomenal. She was really talented, and she deserved every opportunity the magazine could give her.

Adam felt a little bit better after she left. It was nice having some purpose right now, some distraction. He looked through the folder on his computer, trying to find the most recent reviews he’d written that he hadn’t sent to Elliott yet. He attached them to an email and clicked send, happy that he’d given Allison something real to do besides deliver messages and make coffee.

He scrolled through his contacts, searching for someone to replace the interview that had just cancelled. There were a couple of interviews he was in the process of scheduling, if he could get one of those authors to confirm everything would be okay. If he couldn’t, they would come up with something to fill the space. It wasn’t the end of the world.

Adam was lost in thought, a headache starting to form at his temples, when there was a second knock at his door. For someone who had pretty much alienated the entire office, he was certainly popular today. “Yes?” he called, surprised when the door cracked open and Allison stuck her head back in with an apologetic smile.

“Sorry to bother you again, but there’s someone here to see you. He said it was important,” Allison said, waiting for confirmation that it was okay. Adam frowned, but nodded, motioning with his hand to let him in. A thousand thoughts raced through his mind, but he still wasn’t prepared when Allison moved back, and Kris stepped into his office.

Adam’s chest tightened when he saw him. There were dark circles under his eyes, and he looked tired but determined, his jaw clenched and his stare slightly unnerving. Adam had to look away. He didn’t know what to feel right now. He was still angry, but the few days he’d spent away from Kris had dulled it somewhat into a lingering sadness that he couldn’t escape.

“Thanks, Allison,” Adam said softly, waiting until she had closed the door behind her before looking up at Kris with a questioning gaze. “What are you doing here?”

Kris didn’t wait for an invitation, but sat down in the chair across from Adam’s desk, his arms folded across his chest, frowning at him. “Would you have answered my calls?” Kris asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

“No, probably not,” Adam admitted, fighting the flutter in his chest as Kris watched him intently. He wasn‘t going to fold just because Kris _looked_ at him. “That still doesn’t tell me why you’re here. I don’t really have anything to say, Kris.”

“Good because I do, so you can just listen,” Kris said, leaning forward, his hands gripping the edge of Adam’s desk. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you the truth sooner. I’m sorry that I hurt you. I’m sorry that you thought the only solution was to leave without even telling me. But most of all, I’m sorry that I screwed up the best thing in my life. If you can’t forgive me, or don’t want to, I’ll accept that, sooner or later, but at least give me a chance to explain.”

Adam leaned back in his chair, watching Kris doubtfully. “Fine. Explain,” he shrugged. He was still mad, but he missed Kris. He still loved him. Adam wanted Kris to have the magic words to make this better, but he knew it wasn’t that simple.

“It’s not easy for me to tell people what I do. I don’t want any of the other stuff that comes with being a writer. I just want to _write_. I like the anonymity. I like being able to sit in the park and watch people and not have them worry they’ll end up in my next book,” Kris told him. “When I realized that this was starting to get serious, I should have told you. I’m not going to make excuses for why I didn’t, but it was killing me to keep that from you.”

Adam sighed, but didn’t make any other movement. Kris paused as if waiting for him to say something. When he didn’t, he continued, his voice low and hushed. “Once I knew how much the books meant to you…God, Adam. No one has ever understood my writing like you do. You don’t just see what’s written, you see what’s _not_ , and sometimes that’s even more important. I didn’t want anything to change between us. I didn’t want to be A.N. Kristopher, not with you.”

“But don’t you see,” Adam said, shaking his head, “whether you want to be or not, you _are_. You can’t keep something that big, that important, from me, and not expect me to be upset. It’s like you were leading this double life that I didn’t know anything about. Fuck, Kris.”

“I know that you’re angry. I don’t expect you to forgive me over night. All I want is a chance to make this right, to gain your trust again. Do you think we can do that?” Kris asked.

“I don’t know,” Adam answered honestly. “It’s not that I don’t want to. I just don’t know if I can.” He wanted to make this work with Kris more than anything, but he could only have his trust broken so many times before it shattered completely and couldn’t be put back together.

Kris nodded, glancing down at his hands. “I understand that. Even if you can’t forgive me, there’s something I need to do.” Adam looked at him curiously as Kris raised his eyes to meet his. “I want to do an interview. With you.”

“ _What?_ ” Adam asked. He wanted to be indignant that Kris would try to bribe him with that, but at the same time, he knew how much of a sacrifice that would be for Kris. As far as Adam knew, he’d never given a real interview, only brief statements distributed by his publisher. It tugged at his heart a little that Kris would be willing to do that. That despite all the qualms he had about the press, he trusted Adam enough to offer the interview. It meant a lot, but Adam couldn‘t possibly do it. “I can’t.”

“Will you please just think about it? All of it?” Kris pleaded. He stood up and pulled a card from his pocket. “This is where I’m staying,” he said, grabbing a pen from the holder on Adam’s desk and writing the room number on the back. “I’ll be there until Sunday if you change your mind.”

Adam took the card from him with a curt nod, trying not to notice the way their fingers brushed, and slipped it into his desk drawer. “Okay.” He didn’t know what else to say.

“Thank you for at least talking to me. Oh, I almost forgot,” Kris said reaching into the bag he was carrying and pulling out a book, laying it on the corner of Adam’s desk. “You left this.” Adam glanced down at it, even though he knew what it was, and then back up at Kris. Kris gave him a small smile and a nod, then was gone before Adam could say anything else.

Adam rubbed his hand across his face and reached across the desk to pick up the book. He ran his fingers over the familiar blue cover lightly before flipping it open, the inscription on the title page catching his attention. He recognized Kris’ tiny, neat scrawl and smiled as he read the words Kris had rephrased from the book. _Adam, this isn’t how the story ends. I’m sorry. - Kris._

He read it a couple of more times then closed the book with a sigh. He had a lot to think about and a lot of decisions to make. The alarm on his phone went off, reminding him of a staff meeting. He cursed under his breath and silenced it then shuffled through a stack of papers on his desk to find his notebook. He had work to do first, then he could focus on his personal problems.

Adam left his office and walked down the hall to the conference room. People were still trickling in, and Adam took his usual seat between Matt and Anoop. Matt took one look at him and frowned. “Are you okay?”

He was surprised either of them were still talking to him with the way he’d been acting this week, but they were both watching him now in concern. “I will be,” he answered softly. Adam was quiet for a second. “Thanks, guys.”

“No problem,” Matt shrugged, but Adam didn’t miss the relieved look he shot Anoop. Kimberly started the meeting then, effectively cutting-off any further conversation. Adam tried to pay attention, but with Anoop furiously scribbling notes next to him, he didn’t really have to worry about missing anything. Adam settled into his chair, letting his mind wander to Kris, to the past and the future, and what he was going to do.


	18. Chapter 18

_“To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness.”_ \- Robert Muller

Kris tossed his phone on the bed and frowned when it rang immediately. He snatched it back up and checked the number, answering with a sigh when he saw the familiar number. "Hi, Carly," he said shortly, setting the steaming cup of coffee in his hand down on the nightstand before dropping onto the bed with the Sunday paper he'd just gone across the street to get per her instructions. Her text had woken him up this morning, and Kris was really not in the mood to talk to her right now.

"Well, good morning to you, too, sunshine," she answered sarcastically, making Kris smile despite himself. "Did you get it?"

"Just got back. Give me a second," he muttered, opening the paper and spreading it out on the bed, rustling through the _Times_ until he found the page with the best seller list. His finger trailed down the left-hand column, stopping on number three. _Number three_. No wonder Carly had woken him up at the crack of dawn. It was odd to see his name, or his pseudonym at least, staring up at him in black and white even after all this time. He never got used to it and didn‘t think he ever would.

"Kris? Are you there?" she asked.

"Yeah, I'm here. I guess the reviews have been good then?" he asked, still staring at the paper. It had taken him months to crack the top ten list last time, and this book hadn't even been out two weeks yet. With everything that had been going on, it was nice to get some good news.

"Good? They've been fucking fantastic," she enthused, the pride in her voice making her sound like a more profane version of his mother. "You'd know that if you would, I don't know, _read_ them." Kris could picture her frowning at him over the phone, her pleased teasing tinged with a hint of aggravation.

The thought of reading reviews usually just made him nauseous, but now it was a constant reminder of Adam and sent a sharp pain straight to his heart. Kris bit his lip, and resisted the urge to check his watch. He knew he had to start packing soon, but he’d been putting it off since last night. Kris shook his head and tried to focus on Carly. "Keep dreaming," Kris said dryly, reaching for his coffee and taking a sip.

"One of these days I'm going to get through to you," Carly told him confidently. Kris decided this wasn't the time to tell her about the interview he wanted to do with Adam, especially since Kris hadn't heard from him since he'd turned him down. Carly would be ecstatic, but she would have questions that he wasn’t ready to answer yet. Questions that he couldn’t answer, not without talking to Adam.

“Thanks for calling me, Carly. This is really great,” Kris said, trying to sound as excited by the news as he should. It was hard, though, when he’d give it all up if Adam would just talk to him again. He put his cup back on the nightstand and waited for her to say something.

Carly was quiet for a second. “Are you okay?” she asked at last. “You sound sort of off.”

“I’m fine,” Kris lied. “I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night, and I’m just tired.” He loved Carly and appreciated her concern, but right now he just wished she would hang up.

“I’ll let you go,” she said, not sounding convinced. “I’ll be in touch. We need to schedule a meeting in a couple of weeks, but I’ll call you later in the week from the office. Get some sleep, Kris.”

Kris thanked her again and promised he’d rest before snapping his phone shut and flopping back on the bed. He ran a hand over his face and stared up at the ceiling. He finally gave in and glanced at the clock beside the bed. Check-out was at 11:00, and it was almost 10:00 now. He rolled over and buried his face in the pillows. He had been sure that Adam would call or come by or _something_ , but he had to admit now that it didn’t look good.

Reluctantly, Kris climbed off the bed, tossing his suitcase on the end haphazardly and unzipping it. He packed in silence, chewing nervously on his bottom lip and glancing anxiously at the door every time there was a noise in the hall. Kris didn’t know what he was going to do now. He hadn’t let himself think this far, hadn’t even considered that this wouldn’t work. It was Adam’s move. Kris had said what he’d come here to say, and it was up to Adam now.

The knock at the door startled him and froze him in his tracks, too afraid that his imagination was playing tricks on him to rush across the room and throw the door open the way he wanted to. He waited for the second knock, relief coursing through him and his heart pounding as he forced himself to walk calmly across the room, pulling the door open just a crack to find Adam staring down at his shoes.

He glanced up when the door inched open and gave Kris a weak smile. “Can I come in?”

Kris nodded wordlessly and moved out of the way, letting Adam in then closing the door after him. He crossed his arms but that felt too defensive, and he settled, instead, for shoving his hands in his pockets as he watched Adam warily.

“I can’t do the interview,” Adam blurted out. He frowned and shook his head. “That’s not how I meant to do this.” He took a deep breath and tried again. “Kris, I don’t like what you did. I _hate_ it, but I can understand. I’ve spent the last few days trying to put myself in your position, and I know it wasn’t easy for you to tell me the truth. No matter how hurt I was, I shouldn’t have just left without hearing you out. You didn’t deserve that. I’m sorry.”

“I should have been upfront with you, and I hope you know that if I could go back and change all of this I would,” Kris told him softly. He still wasn’t sure where Adam was going with this, and it made him nervous.

“I do, and I know you mean it. That’s why I can’t do the interview. If we’re going to give this a shot, then we’ve got to keep work separate, or as separate as we can. It’s just better that way. But, Kris, I know what a huge sacrifice that would have been for you, and I do appreciate the sentiment.”

It took a second for Adam’s words to sink in. “If we…” Kris repeated, trailing off as he looked up at Adam questioningly. Adam‘s smile was cautiously hopeful, and Kris launched himself at him with enough force to make him stagger backwards a step, slightly off-balance. Adam laughed, but if he said anything else, Kris didn’t hear it as he hugged him tightly, burying his face against Adam’s chest. “I’m so sorry,” Kris mumbled.

Adam stroked the back of his head, his fingers raking through his hair as he held Kris to him firmly with his other arm. “We both made mistakes, but I don’t want to make anymore. Walking away from you would be the biggest mistake of my life,” Adam said softly.

Kris couldn’t begin to explain how right it felt to be back in Adam’s arms. He felt like he’d been walking around in a daze for the last week and had finally woken up. Everything was clearer, crisper, like he was in sensory overload. He took a minute just to soak up all the little things that he hadn’t even realized he’d missed, like the way Adam’s hand spread across his back when he held him and the subtle fragrance of his cologne.

“Can you really forgive me?” Kris asked, tilting his head back to look at Adam. He searched Adam’s face for any sign of hesitation or misgiving, but if it was there, he couldn’t find it. Instead of answering him, Adam brought his lips down to his, caressing them gently, reassuringly. He kissed him thoroughly, deepening it until Kris finally had to pull away, breathless.

“If you can forgive me,” Adam whispered, pressing another kiss to Kris’ temple. “I was so stupid. So what do you say?”

“Done,” Kris told him, his hands trailing up Adam’s arms to rest on his shoulders. “This has been the longest week of my life.” Kris bit his lip, not sure he wanted to ask Adam the question on the tip of his tongue, but knowing that he had to get it out there sooner or later. “Are you okay with dating A.N. Kristopher?”

Adam touched his cheek as he stared intently into his eyes, making Kris flush under his gaze. “I’m dating Kris Allen,” he said quietly. “I know that’s part of who you are, but it’s just a part. I want more than that. I want all of you.”

“You’ve got it,” Kris told him, grinning as Adam kissed him again, walking them backwards until they tumbled on the bed, knocking his suitcase off the edge as they did. Kris ignored it for a minute, unable to tear himself away from the warmth of Adam’s embrace or his demanding kiss. “God, I missed you,” Kris breathed, catching Adam’s earlobe between his teeth for a second, licking and nipping his way down his neck until his shirt prevented him from going any lower.

“I missed you, too,” Adam said, a serious edge to his voice that made Kris pause and sit up. “When I left,” Adam admitted, “I almost turned around a dozen times. It felt so wrong to be leaving you there. I really am sorry, Kris.”

Hearing the words should have made him feel better, but instead it pained him to think of Adam driving alone in his car, torn over what to do and hurting because of what he had done. Adam may have forgiven him, but Kris was having a hard time forgiving himself. He would always regret the way he had handled this, but he wanted more than anything to put it behind them. “I love you,” Kris said.

“I know,” Adam said with a smile. “I love you, too.”

Kris grinned at him, then reluctantly climbed off the bed and lugged his suitcase back onto the bed, some of his clothes spilling out on the floor. He knelt beside the bed to pick them up, stuffing them in the bag and zipping it before he stood up. “Check-out is in,” Kris hesitated to glance at his watch, “fifteen minutes. I’ve got to go.”

Adam nodded and rolled to the end of the bed. He sat on the edge, pulling Kris to him, wrapping his arms loosely around his waist. “Come home with me,” he said softly, looking up at Kris. “For a day, a week, I don’t care. I just can’t say goodbye again so soon.”

“Are you sure?” Kris asked, his fingers playing with the ends of Adam’s hair as his hands slipped behind his head. There were things waiting for him at home, but he was a fool if he really thought that home was anyplace other than where Adam was. Everything else could wait, but right now he needed every second he could spend with Adam.

“I’m positive,” Adam nodded, watching him anxiously for his answer. Kris stared at him for a second, a little surprised to find the same flutter in his stomach as the first time they’d met. He hoped he never lost that; that looking at Adam would always give him that brief moment where his breath caught and he realized how lucky he was. He smiled at last, unable to hold back his delight at the invitation any longer. He ducked his head to kiss Adam again, letting their lips brush chastely.

“Let’s go.”


	19. Chapter 19

_“I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.”_ \- Mother Teresa

Adam wrapped the towel securely around his waist and sat down on the edge of the bed, picking his phone up from the nightstand and dialing Elliott’s number. It was a little early, but he was pretty sure that Elliott would already be at work. He ran a hand through his wet hair absently untangling the strands as the phone rang.

Adam had decided that Elliott wasn‘t going to pick up and that he was going to have to call Kimberly when he finally answered the phone just before it went to voicemail. “Hey, what’s up?” he said, sounding distracted.

“Bad time?” Adam asked.

“Nah, I’m just running late. I brought a flash drive of articles home with me to look over last night, and now I can’t find it,” he complained. Adam could picture him, frowning, as he rushed around his apartment looking for it. “Anyway. Is something wrong?”

“I‘ve been up sick all night. I think it’s probably that 24-hour thing that’s been going around,” he lied, feeling only a twinge of guilt. It wasn’t a _complete_ lie; he had been up all night, and it was only going to last 24-hours because Kris was leaving in the morning. “I don’t think I should come in today.”

“You _definitely_ shouldn’t come in,” Elliott said quickly. Adam could picture him panicking at the thought of the whole office getting sick and was torn between feeling bad or being amused. “Stay home and get better.”

“Thanks, man. Listen, Alli has a couple of reviews I finished if you want to get them from her,” Adam told him, holding a finger up to his mouth as Kris leaned against his bedroom door, wrapped in Adam’s bathrobe even though it was so long his toes just barely peeked out from underneath it. Kris raised his eyebrows in amusement, but didn’t say anything.

“Will do,” Elliott said. “Just get some rest, okay?”

“I probably won’t even get out of bed today,” Adam assured him, making Kris snicker and quickly cover his mouth with his hand. Adam glared at him, trying not to laugh. “Thanks, El. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Malingering just for me, huh?” Kris asked when he had hung up the phone, climbing on the bed behind Adam and resting his chin on his shoulder. His fingers stroked lazily up and down Adam’s side, his lips brushing against his ear. “I guess I should feel special.”

“I never skip work. I just want you to know that,” Adam said with mock seriousness as he stretched out on the bed, pulling Kris with him. “I haven’t faked being sick since high school. And you are special.”

Kris nestled against him, taking his time as he trailed his lips up Adam’s chest and across his collarbone to a particularly sensitive spot on his neck that he knew drove Adam crazy. Adam was content to lie there and let Kris do whatever he wanted, smiling blissfully as he licked and nipped, sucking lightly then letting his tongue run soothingly over the tender skin. Adam moaned appreciatively as Kris’ other hand, the one that wasn’t currently tangled in his hair, slid up from his hip, the pad of his thumb rubbing teasingly over his nipple.

Last night had been about sex and lust and maybe a little leftover anger. It had been fast and hard, without preamble; their time apart serving to heighten every sensation, but this morning was different. Adam sighed as Kris worked his way up over his jaw, dropping a line of staccato kisses on his skin until he reached his mouth. His tongue dipped easily past Adam’s parted lips, stroking insistently until Adam returned the kiss. There wasn’t any hurry. They didn’t have anything to do except lie in bed all day rediscovering each other. The thought made Adam smile as he tugged slowly on the belt of Kris’ borrowed robe, undoing it with one pull and slipping his hand inside to gently caress his chest.

Kris sat up enough to shrug it off, returning his head to Adam’s shoulder when he had. “I’ve missed this. I’ve missed _you_ ,” he said softly. Adam could hear the hesitation in his voice, as if he didn’t want to bring the past up again. Adam ran his hand up and down Kris’ back lovingly, but he didn’t know what to say to convince Kris that they were really okay.

“Well, now we know better than to try to do anything stupid like be apart,” Adam said lightly. Kris rolled a little so that he could look down at him, and Adam reached out, stroking his cheek with the back of his hand. “I love you.”

Kris smiled at him and pressed a kiss to his lips. “I love you, too.” His fingers trailed unconsciously over Adam’s stomach as he toyed with the towel wrapped around his waist. Adam sucked in a breath, and Kris looked at him questioningly before glancing down at his hand then raising his eyes to meet Adam’s, the corner of his mouth turning up in a lopsided grin. His eyes never leaving Adam’s, he tugged at the edge of the towel, untucking it and letting it fall open.

Adam rolled onto his stomach to pull the slightly damp cloth from underneath him and throw it on the floor. He stayed where he was as Kris’ hands found his shoulders, kneading the muscles there deftly, pausing now and then to lick and kiss his away across Adam‘s back. Adam didn’t think he had one ounce of tension left in his body, but it still felt incredible. He closed his eyes and reveled in Kris’ touch, shivering a little as the air cooled the kisses he dotted over Adam’s flushed skin.

Adam felt the bed dip as Kris maneuvered around until he was kneeling between his legs, his hands continuing to move further down, followed by his lips. He dropped one final kiss at the base of his spine, one hand on his ass and the other gripping his hip almost painfully. Adam’s head spun a little as he realized what Kris was contemplating, and his breath caught as he tried to urge him on. “Is this…?” Kris started, but he didn’t even finish the question before Adam interrupted him.

“Fuck, yes,” Adam murmured, his hips rising ever so slightly off the bed. It had been a long time since Adam had felt comfortable enough with someone to give himself over like this, but as Kris’ mouth, warm and wet, moved closer and closer to his goal, Adam knew with absolute certainty that he wanted this. He wanted Kris in every way possible; he wanted Kris around him and inside him, melting together until he wasn’t sure where Kris ended and he began.

Adam gasped as Kris’ tongue probed him gently, teasingly. He knew from experience that there were things Kris could do with his mouth that ought to be illegal, but he still took him by surprise all the same. Kris’ hands glided over the curve of his ass, up to his lower back and then down again, pressing him firmly into the mattress when he tried to thrust back against him. “God, Kris,” he groaned, slipping his arm between his body and the bed to wrap his hand around his cock.

This assertive, take charge side of Kris was always a turn-on, but he was so laid-back and relaxed that it rarely came through, even in bed. If Adam had had the slightest idea that this would be as amazing as it was, he would have suggested it weeks ago. Kris straightened up and leaned over him, his chest flat against his back, and Adam opened his eyes to see him grab the condoms and lube from the nightstand where they’d left them last night.

Adam brought his arms up to pillow his head, his eyes drifting shut again. The lube was still cold even though he could tell Kris had tried to warm it in his hands first, and Adam bit his lip as Kris eased a single finger inside of him. He rubbed Adam’s back tenderly, his finger moving in and out, twisting it slightly and making Adam hiss as he breathed in.

“I was afraid we’d never get the chance to do this,” Kris said quietly, adding a second finger and then another. He brushed a kiss across his hip, and Adam opened his eyes to find Kris looking up at him, his eyes gleaming. His gaze locked with Kris’, and he kept watching him as Kris continued, stroking gently and then thrusting into him hard. Kris reached up with his other hand to touch Adam’s face. His fingers traced his lips lightly, and he smiled. “You’re beautiful.”

Adam felt as though his heart was going to explode. A few days ago he wasn’t even sure if he had a future with Kris, but now he knew there was no way he could ever give him up willingly. “Kris,” he pleaded, not even caring about the tinge of desperation in his voice.

“Adam,” he whispered back, teasingly, but his eyes were serious as he disappeared out of Adam’s line of sight. Adam missed the contact immediately as Kris withdrew, but then he was pushing into him, moaning softly as he rested his forehead between Adam’s shoulder blades. Kris’ breath was hot against his back as he struggled to stay still, gripping Adam’s arm with one hand, the other flat against the bed, bracing him. He rolled his hips experimentally, and Adam cried out, the pleasure spreading through his body as he tried to gain enough leverage to force Kris to give him what he needed.

“Fuck, Kris,” he muttered, his breath coming in ragged gasps as Kris slowly began to move over him. Kris’ hand slid down his body, rubbing up and down his thigh, slipping beneath him easily to wrap around his cock when Adam raised his hips. Adam squeezed his eyes shut as he buried his face in his pillow, muttering obscenities under his breath at the dual sensations, thrusting back against Kris to take him impossibly deep.

Adam shuddered and came with a grunt, his orgasm racking his body for several seconds before he collapsed, spent, on the mattress. Kris was still on top of him, and he sped up, clinging to Adam as he thrust into him a couple more times before coming with a cry. He was trembling as his lips trailed over the back of Adam’s neck, his hands settling on his shoulders. He lay there for a minute, panting, then reluctantly rolled off of Adam to dispose of the condom.

Adam wanted to look at him, wanted to wrap him in his arms and hold him close, but he couldn’t move. He finally managed to turn his head in Kris’ direction, enough to see him lying next to him with a silly grin on his face. He settled for tangling his fingers with Kris’ and pressing a kiss to his shoulder. He knew in that moment ,with absolute clarity, that they were going to be fine. They’d gotten past the first hurdle in their relationship, and anything else that could be thrown at them would seem tame by comparison.

~*~*~*~

They had finally made it out of bed and gotten somewhat dressed. They were wearing clothes at any rate, even if they were pajamas, at least until the pizza delivery guy showed up with their lunch. It tugged at Adam’s heart a little to see Kris here in his apartment. He just fit in, and he’d made himself at home, stretched out on the other end of the sofa, Adam’s feet in his lap and a stack of books beside him. He poured over the blurbs on the back, setting aside a few to take home with him and geeking out over a couple of advance releases Adam had brought from work.

“Oh, I bet this one’s awesome,” Kris grinned, holding up the book for Adam to see. Adam made a face, and Kris frowned. “Really?”

“Did you read the excerpt on the back?” Adam asked. Kris nodded. “Then you’ve read the best part. I had high hopes for that book, but it was a real disappointment.” They were interrupted by a knock at the door, and Adam reached over to the coffee table to grab his wallet and swung his feet to the floor.

Adam pulled open the door expecting to see the pizza guy, but found himself face to face with Matt instead. “What are you doing here?” Adam realized he sounded rude even before the words left his mouth, but Matt was the last person he thought he’d see on the other side of his door.

“Hi, good to see you, too,” Matt quipped, rolling his eyes good-naturedly. “Elliott said you were sick,” his eyebrows raised slightly at this because Adam was pretty sure he didn’t look sick, “and I was going to pick up lunch at the Chinese place for me and Anoop, so I thought I'd check in, see how you were doing,” he said, stepping past Adam and into the apartment, “or if you needed…Oh.”

Adam sighed and closed the door. “Matt, this is Kris. Kris, this is…”

“Matt Giraud,” Kris interrupted, climbing off the couch and offering Matt his hand. “It’s nice to finally meet you. I’m a big fan of your writing.” It amused Adam to watch him completely charm Matt, so thrown off-guard by the fact that Kris knew who he was that he couldn’t do much more than nod.

“Nice to meet you, too,” he said at last, shooting a questioning gaze at Adam.

There was another knock at the door, and Kris grinned. “Must be the pizza. I’ll get it,” he said, waving Adam off and taking his wallet out of his hand with a smile. “You have a guest.” Adam watched amused as Kris crossed the apartment to open the door, then glanced at Matt.

“Who is he?” Matt whispered quietly. “And how the hell does he know who I am?”

“Remember my neighbor?” Adam asked, raising an eyebrow at him. Matt looked confused for a second, then nodded. “Well, that’s him. And he really is a big fan of your work, he wasn’t just saying that.”

“Man, I told you to get laid, not bring home a souvenir,” Matt snorted, shaking his head. “What’s going on? Does this have anything to do with the way you were biting everyone’s heads off last week?”

“Isn’t Anoop waiting for you to bring lunch?” Adam pointed out, trying to change the subject. He glanced at the door where Kris was counting out money to pay for the pizza.

“I know you’re trying to get rid of me, so I’m gonna go, but we are so talking about this later,” Matt told him. Adam opened his mouth to object, but Matt stopped him. “Oh, yes, we are, or I’ll tell Elliott that you weren’t sick today.”

“You’re resorting to blackmail?” Adam asked, crossing his arms and giving Matt a disbelieving look, though he could barely hide the smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. He knew Matt and Anoop had been worried about him last week, and it was nice to know that they cared so much.

“Yes,” Matt said emphatically. “Lunch tomorrow. Me, you, and Anoop. Be prepared to spill,” he said quietly as Kris closed the door and rejoined them carrying the pizza. “It was nice meeting you, Kris.”

“You, too,” Kris told him. “Are you sure you don’t want to stay for some pizza?”

Adam glared at him, and Matt shook his head. “No, thanks. I’ve got to get back before Anoop sends out a search party. Besides, three’s a crowd or so I’ve been told. I’ll see you later, Adam.”

“Thanks for stopping by,” Adam told him, walking him to the door. Matt grinned at him one more time and mouthed ‘tomorrow’ at him with a pointed look. Adam laughed. “Fine,” he whispered, resisting the urge to shove Matt out the door.

“Bye, Kris! See you around,” Matt called just before Adam pulled the door shut. He leaned against it for a second, glancing up at Kris, surprised to find him doubled over on the sofa, laughing.

“What’s so funny?” Adam asked, crossing the room and sitting down beside him.

“You two are subtle,” Kris grinned, ignoring the pizza for a minute to face Adam, leaning into him until his chin was resting on his shoulder. “So what are you going to tell him tomorrow?”

“You heard all that, huh?” Adam said, wrinkling his nose. He thought for a minute as Kris nodded. “I guess I have to tell him ‘thank you’. Matt suggested the lake for my vacation. I wouldn’t have met you if it weren’t for him.”

Kris stretched up and let his lips glide easily over Adam’s. “Tell him thanks for me, too.”


	20. Chapter 20

_“The three ingredients of a successful union between two . . . humor, commitment & undying love.”_ -Bill Cosby

 **6 Months Later**

Kris frowned and tilted his head to the side, staring at his computer screen the way he had for the last fifteen minutes. He closed his eyes, then opened them again quickly hoping to get some new perspective on the mockup Carly had sent him for his next book [cover](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v58/dazzamre/fare2.jpg). He really liked it, and he’d been thrilled to get it so soon, but he just wasn’t sure it conveyed everything he wanted to about the book.

A car door slammed outside, and Kris grinned, tearing himself away from the computer for the first time in hours and going outside to meet Adam. It had only been two days since he’d seen him, and they’d talked for over an hour last night, but he still missed him. The house seemed huge without him there, and the solitude that Kris had once valued so much felt a lot like loneliness now.

“Hey,” Adam called when he spotted him at the bottom of the steps. He had a duffle bag slung over one shoulder, though it was largely unnecessary given how much of his stuff had found its way to Kris’. Kris had finally cleaned out part of the closet and two dresser drawers to make room for some of it. To be fair, though, more and more of his things had taken up permanent residence at the apartment. Kris wasn’t sure when he’d stopped thinking of wherever he was as his or Adam’s, but sometime during the last few months, they had just become the lake and the apartment, and he was equally at home in both.

“Hi,” Kris smiled, finally noticing the other bags that Adam was carrying. “What have you got?” he asked, reaching out to take them from him, tilting his face up as Adam ducked his head to give him a quick kiss.

“I stopped by Randy’s to pick up dinner,” Adam told him, following him into the house and dropping his bag on the floor by the sofa. Kris took the food to the kitchen and came back to find Adam sprawled on the couch, his eyes closed.

“Long day?” Kris asked, sitting down beside him, sliding over and cuddling against him when Adam held his arm out. If he could spend every day for the rest of his life exactly like this, he’d be happy. He toyed with the buttons on Adam’s shirt and glanced up at him.

“It’s always crazy before a holiday,” Adam said softly, “plus we’re still behind from Christmas and trying to catch up for the next issue. But it’s okay. I finished everything, and I’m here now. I really need this long weekend, though,” he said kissing Kris’ temple.

“I’m glad you’re here,” Kris murmured. “What time is everyone supposed to be here tomorrow?” Kris wasn’t even sure which of them had suggested it anymore, it could have been Matt for all he could remember, but the idea of having everyone over for the weekend had come up, and Kris had thought it was a fantastic idea. He didn’t want to spend his first New Year’s Eve with Adam at some loud party where they could barely hear each other, and inviting their friends to the lake had been the perfect solution.

“Around noon,” Adam answered. “Anoop and Matt were arguing over what time they were leaving, and Elliott put his foot down.” Adam grinned as he glanced down at him. “Everyone here still coming?”

“Yeah, as far as I know,” Kris said. “Why?”

“Well, I don’t think Matt and Anoop are coming because they want to spend more time with us,” Adam said, making Kris grin. It wasn’t a secret that they both had at least a tiny crush on Megan, though as far as he could tell she was more or less oblivious to it.

“Could be an interesting New Year’s Eve party,” Kris mused.

Adam chuckled. “Yeah. So what did you do today?”

Kris sat up with a start. He’d completely forgotten about the book cover, and he wanted to show it to Adam and get his opinion. “I got the mockup from Carly today. You want to see it?”

“Sure,” Adam told him, climbing off the couch and tugging Kris with him. Kris was a little surprised by how willing Adam was. So far, he’d avoided everything related to the book, refusing to read even a sentence before it was published, which was still a few months away. He wouldn’t have to wait that long, though. Tucked away on the top shelf of his closet, Kris had a bound copy of the final manuscript that he’d gotten from Carly today. Adam’s birthday was just a few weeks away. When Kris had told her what he wanted to do, Carly had promised to take care of it, and he’d had the book in his hands in less than a week.

They’d been dating for almost a month before Kris found out that Adam and Carly knew each other, at least in passing. He probably shouldn’t have been surprised since he’d discovered _The Athenaeum_ in her office, but it had never occurred to him. Carly was genuinely happy for him, but it hadn’t stopped her from gently harassing both of them about doing an interview. Kris had told her to back off, but he was secretly a little glad that she was pushing. He still wanted to do an interview with Adam and hadn’t given up hope that he would give in sooner or later.

They both huddled around the computer, and Kris moved the mouse, the monitor blinking back to life and the picture popping up on the screen. “What do you think?” Kris asked, biting his bottom lip as he watched Adam. “As a critic, not my boyfriend,” he added. “I want your professional opinion.”

Adam bent forward to peer at the screen. “It’s different from your other covers, but that can be a good thing. I mean, I obviously haven’t read the book, but aesthetically, I think it’s great.” He glanced up to look at Kris. “Do you like it?”

“I guess,” Kris frowned. “Maybe I just need some more time with it. I never like my covers right away. I don’t know, maybe if it were a little blurrier. I like the concept.” Kris grinned at him. “Ignore me. I’m too critical.”

“The cover’s important. You should be happy with it,” Adam told him, leaning against the desk with a smile. “I know you’re going to obsess over it for awhile before you decide if you like it, but for what it’s worth, I think it’s good.”

“That’s worth a lot,” Kris said, his arms sliding easily around Adam’s waist, his cheek pressed to his shoulder. Adam’s stomach growled, and Kris laughed, burying his face against his neck, letting his lips brush the skin there, before pulling back to look at him. “Hungry?”

“Starving,” Adam answered.

~*~*~*~

Kris had never really been a fan of New Year’s. In school and college, it had just signified the end of Christmas break, and the last couple of years it had come and gone with barely any acknowledgment from him. Resolution making, and breaking, wasn’t really his thing. Kris understood the concept of a fresh start, he’d just never felt the need to apply it to his life.

This year, though, with Adam and all their friends, he was actually enjoying it. He settled on the floor next to the fireplace beside Adam, surveying the room quietly. Paula and Elliott were off to one side, engaged in an intense conversation about the future of independent bookstores from the snippets Kris had picked up. It amazed him how well their two worlds had melded together, but given how similar they were, maybe it shouldn’t have.

Kris turned his attention to the couch where Ace and Matt were well on their way to being trashed. Kris had wisely given their impromptu drinking game a wide berth, but he had to grin as Matt pointed at Anderson Cooper on his TV and hooted, “He said drag queen again. That’s a shot!” Chris was watching the whole thing with amusement, apparently ready to step in and cut Ace off if the need arose.

Anoop had taken advantage of Matt’s distraction and was chatting quietly with Megan, sitting across from him and Adam on the other side of the fireplace. She laughed softly and leaned in to whisper something to him, and Kris wondered if she was really as oblivious as he’d thought before.

“What are you thinking?” Adam asked softly, his fingers touching Kris’ arm as he spoke. Kris glanced over at him, the light from the fire casting a warm orange glow over everything. It had been six months, and his breath still caught sometimes when he looked at Adam. His chest still tightened when Adam murmured his name, low and rough, and he still treasured every morning he woke up beside him. Their gazes locked, and he could see all of the emotions he felt right now reflected in Adam’s eyes. Kris shook his head, smiling when Adam slipped an arm around his shoulders. “Me, too,” he said quietly, his lips brushing against Kris’ ear. Kris didn’t say anything else; he didn’t have to.

“Okay, guys, it’s time,” Matt called, turning up the volume on the TV. Adam climbed to his feet and held a hand down to help him up, pulling Kris against him and wrapping an arm around his waist as they all gathered around to watch the ball drop. They counted down with the crowd on the television, cheering when it hit zero.

Kris glanced around at all of his friends one more time, a little overwhelmed by how happy he was right now. Chris and Ace were sharing a tender kiss on the sofa, and Kris looked away quickly, feeling like he was intruding on a private moment. Megan playfully pecked Matt and Anoop both on the lips, before pulling them in for a group hug. Even Elliott shyly gave Paula a kiss on the cheek.

“Happy New Year,” Adam grinned, dipping his head to catch his lips in a long, slow kiss. Kris forgot about the room full of people around them, forgot about the commotion and deafening noise from the TV. He forgot about everything except the feel of Adam’s lips on his, warm and soft, restrained now while they were surrounded by their friends, but holding a promise of better things to come once they were alone.

Kris finally drew back as the faint strains of “Auld Lang Syne” drifted from the TV. Matt started singing along, loudly, prodding the others to sing, and beaming at Megan when she was the first to join him. Kris laughed and sang with them, hugging Adam tightly, his hands pressed firmly to his back. When the song stopped, even though Matt launched into another chorus, Kris tilted his head up and kissed Adam again. “Happy New Year,” he said softly, his fingers tracing lightly along Adam’s collarbone as he smiled up at him. “I love you,” Kris whispered so only Adam could hear him.

“I love, you, too,” Adam murmured punctuating the words with a kiss.

This New Year’s was definitely better than the last, and Kris had Adam to thank for that. Without him, he’d be by himself now, probably climbing into bed alone, if he had even bothered to stay up until midnight. But instead, he was surrounded by his friends, wrapped in the arms of the man he had every intention of spending the rest of his life with. Kris was pretty sure his life couldn’t get any better than this, and if it could, he wasn’t sure he could stand it.

This was only the beginning, though. He and Adam had a lifetime of New Years ahead of them. A lifetime of memories to make and occasions to celebrate. Birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, and Kris couldn’t wait to spend them all with Adam.


End file.
